A mother desperate to help her son learn the consequences of his bad choices and behavior turned to shame as a tactic. Dynesha Lax, of Fort Wayne, IN, made her 14-year-old son stand on sidewalk with a sign, which read "I lie, I steal, I sell drugs, I don't follow the law," for 2 hours last Tuesday.
1. Do you feel this type of punishment may actually help change this child’s behavior?
2. If you have children or if in the future you were to have children, would you consider this type of consequence with your child? Please tell why or why not.
There is more information available about this story at the link below.
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/01/indiana-mom-forces-son-to-wear-i-lie-i-steal-sign/
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Stephanie M. 98 (ONLINE)
ReplyDeleteSeveral things about this method are wrong.
1) There are other ways to find help.
If she has tried therapy and it did not seem to stick, try a second opinion or different therapist. YMCA or other programs dedicated to keeping children off the streets and in school have been around longer than I've been alive. Even an after school program or extra curricular activity could help him focus on something more productive. Her older son is on the football team...what is she doing to supplement the younger son's time, if football isn't his thing?
2) Try as she might..."humiliation" won't help her son.
Although my knowledge of psychology is limited, I remember my teacher saying that humiliation further instills doubt and and mistrust between parent and child. It actually tells the child that, "Hey, violence IS the way to get what you want!" Not only that, but it must not be doing any favors to his self-esteem. Not only that, but punishment should feel like punishment. Wearing a sign for two hours in the yard is almost like a slap on the wrist. I don't know a whole lot about punishing children, but I know that there are ways of parents getting the results they want through other means.
3) He's 14.
When my brother was 14, he dabbled in everything from pot to girls to dying his mohawk blue to getting into frequent fights just for the fun of it. Teenage boys do the CRAZIEST things for attention, for notoriety, to fit in....the list goes on and on. Maybe it wasn't good parenting on my dad's part to let him do some of the things he did, but he's grown out of everything listed...I think he'll always like girls though (ha, ha). The kid mentioned may be involving himself into more serious acts, but if he gets the proper help he needs, he may be shown the error of his ways and snap out of it.
I have to say that I admire the woman for her bravery and her attempt at trying to help her son. I only hope that the national attention she has gained has alerted someone who would like to intervene.
MaeD.(40896) in response to Stephanie
DeleteAbsolutely. Seek help and help this child to become a better man in the future.
Ashley Horne
DeleteI loved Stephanie M.'s response to this weeks blog i swear its like she took the words right out of my brain. its crazy to have a boy stand at the corner of a street who knows who could have ran into him and got completely insulted and ripped him a new one. I believe there are better ways to go about turning a young mans life around like an all boys prep school or damn take him to a jail i promise it will be an eye opener. And as to the question of if i would use it on one of my future kids, no never, there are too many crazy people out in the world today what if she left him out there alone?? Sounds to me this lady had a hard childhood herself.
Stephanie M. 98 (ONLINE) in response to Ashley Horne
DeleteThanks! Glad someone else agrees with me. Oh, and I LOVE your idea of taking a tour of a jail...that's a great idea. "Scared Straight" programs still exist, don't they?
Alex Hall, 40897
Delete1. It is possible that it could change the child's behavior it really depends on the child and if the child is morn prone to negative attention seeking habits.
2. I May consider using a tactic similar to this but as i said in my answer for question 1, It really depends on the child's regular attention seeking behaviors.
Shana W. (1101)(40896)(online)
ReplyDeleteWow, is all i can really say to this nonsense. I believe this is extremely shameful on the mother's end! like who does that? Not only is it totally humiliating for the 14 year old boy but it is also humiliating for the mother. It makes me question people's parenting these days! Kid's every where at that age do things like this and worse beacause...new's flash: THEIR KID'S!!!! I believe this was so uncalled for and someone should make her stand outside with a sign, that reads: "I have horrible parenting skills." Your suppose to punish your child reasonably, and comfort them as their mother, a mother's role is guidance not to put your child down! I don't think this will make him learn his lesson, but rather make him want to lash out even more. Shame on you this time mom!
Bjorn S. 67 in response to Shana W.
DeleteI agree with you that this public display is more of a showcase of the parents enefficiencies and lack of supervision. I also agree that this is going to do more harm than good, and probably push the child deeper into a life of crime, and farther away from the parents ability to correct the child. At 14 years of age the peer pressure that he is going to receive from the fellow students, is going to have such a derogative impact on any chance of rectifying the childs behavior.
I agree with you on the fact that the mother needs some parenting skills. You do not punish your child that way it only makes things worse.
DeleteShana W.(1101)(40896)(online)in response to Stephanie M.(98).
ReplyDeleteI totally 100% agree with every statement that you made. The mother went about the situation the whole wrong way! There are so many other things she could have done to actually help him and guide him; however humiliation is not one of them. Then he's only 14, like really? This was so shameful on her part and anyone that agree's with her silly act of punishment is silly too! I agree with you when you say puishment should feel like punishment, but this in no way is teaching him or helping him! unbelievable!!!
Morgan P. 96(online)
ReplyDeleteSadly enough I have personally seen this type of punishment at Walmart. The child was younger, probably around 9 or 10, and was completely not taking it seriously. I don't believe this punishment would help any behavior. Teenage years are extremely difficult for everyone. Acceptance from your friends are the most important thing in your life at the time. Humilation is not a way to change a behavior permantly. You're setting an example of when you don't like someone behavior you publically announce it to the world.
If/When I have kids I will not be using this method of punishment. I would have been mortified if my parents had done this to me so it would not be right if I did this to my kids. There are so many other ways to punish a child. I understand parenting is an extremely difficult challenge but, I 100% believe humilation does not change any behavior.
Oh My God!!! This mum most surely rethink her strategies and pave a better way for her son to become a better individual in the home first, and then project it out there in the open society.
ReplyDeleteShe should note that no success can compensate for failure in the home, mothers please DO NOT subject your kids to such hash treatment as they will get harden by the hour and what do you expect in return, they will adapt to any form of punishments like this it’s just a matter of time.
I have three kids of my own, I can’t see them been punished like this by me, I\we will teach them with love, gentleness and meekness and most importantly by example “Do As I Do”
Agho N.E 88 (Online) in response to Morgan P. 96(online)
ReplyDeleteI stand with you on the issue you raised that “Humiliation is not a way to change a behavior permanently” there are more productive and successful ways to treat kids that will show we are the best parents and with do not need to subject our kids to the harshest forms of treatment to boost our role as parents but rather teach correct principles that will be observed with almost an effortless attitude.
Bjorn S. 67
ReplyDelete1. I don't think that anyone responds well to humiliation. I think that if that individual who is being hummiliated, is being done so by that individuals mother would cause him to rebel more.
Public humiliation is only going to cause him to be more distant from the mother, and stray farther from the course that the mother wants.
2. I believe that the discipling of a child should be done in the privacy of the home. How you choose to discipline your child is based on the parents, the child and how they respond. I don't think that putting your teen on Maury and sending them to boot camp is productive. In the long run I would not humiliate my child nor do I physicaly spank or hit them. I have a 4 year old daughter and talking to her and putting her on time out is more than enough to deal with her. My point is that how you deal with your family is a private matter, and not anyones concern unless you are beating the child or mentaly or phycologicaly damaging him.
Meredith P. 98
ReplyDeleteI think shame might work as punishment in come cases. I personally do not have children yet but, my parents have had trouble with my older brother in the pass. I think they would try anything to try to gain control. I think punishment should be based on each child. Something, like shame, might work for one child but not another. In the future if I have a child that I can not seem to get through too, I might consider using shame as punishment. If using the shame as a tactic worked, then that is the route of punishment I would continue. If shame did not work, I would try something else. Shame wouldn't be the first way I would chose to punish my child but, I don't think it is wrong.
Devin K 98 response to Meredith P 98
DeleteI agree with you. I have two kids my self and I agree that I would do anything to try and gain control of my child. And as a parent I know that what works for my little one does always work for my oldest.
Diana C 98
ReplyDelete1. The only thing this tactic will do is make the child angrier with mom and rebel even more. Maybe the child is not as smart like his older brother and needs special attention and this is his way of reaching out without feeling like he is not smart.
2. If my children would have got of hand like this at the age of fourteen and was not listening to me and my husband, we would have sent them to bootcamp. Bootcamp is a lifechanging experience for teenagers, it will teach them discipline, respect, responsiblity and structure.
Jaime H 96
DeleteI agree that this boy will gain more anger towards his mother and rebel more. Situations like this just makes me feel like he has not had enough love and affection from a strong role model.
Brian C 92 In response to Diana C 98
DeleteI agree with this opinion, I think that this particular punishment may contribute to more defiance and rebellion. It can be difficult at that age but if this child's actions continue he will soon be faced with real life consequences, like jail.
Meredith P. 98 in response to Agho
ReplyDeleteYou said you teach your children "do as I do" but, what if they satrted acting out everyday, getting suspended in school, as t leave sports team ect. What would you do then? No one wants to think their children will become like this but this could happen to you. Are you really sure you wouldn't try humiliation? I don't think it should be your first choice of punishment but don't rule it out. Shame and humiliation is what boot camp is all about. Shame and humiliation seems to work with the military and with trouble teens sent away so why don't you think it will work with your childern. In some cases, shame is the only thing left to punish kids in the hopes they will start to straighten out their attitude.
Diana C. 98 In response to Stephanie M 98
ReplyDeleteI agree with Stephanie, humiliation wont help Dynesha's son and i don't punishment will help him either. YMCA sounds like a good idea to keep the child's mind occupied and be with other kids who are doing positive things.
Like Stephanie said kids do things to "fit in" so this kid must be doing these bad things to impress his friends. He just needs to stop hanging out with the wrong crowd. Dynesha should talk to his friends parents and see if they are also gettin in trouble and together they can come up with solution to help their children.
Jaime H 96
ReplyDeleteI think this is a horrible way to try to teach a teenager a lesson! It is humiliating and it will crush the small amount of self-esteem that the poor boy seems to have. He is in his hardest years of life trying to figure out where he fits in.
When I saw the video he looked so sad and looks like he just needs love, affection, and guidance from a positive role model.
Rainey S. 98 (Online) - Response to Jaime
DeleteI completely agree with you that the teenage boy would benefit more from a positive role model to teach him better decision making skills rather than being humiliated by his mother. I feel that he is only going to harbor anger and resentment toward her which will drive a wedge between them emotionally in the future. I feel that the key to teaching a child a lesson involves love, communication as well as mutual respect. I totally disagree with belittling a child and removing their self esteem which in turn causes emotional trauma that can remain throughout adulthood. I do not see anything positive resulting from his public humiliation.
Stephanie M. 98 (ONLINE) in response to Diana C. 98
ReplyDeleteWhile I understand that bootcamp sounds like a golden opportunity for your children, investigations into these institutions have almost never been positive. They often boast results in a "controlled" environment, but mislead the parents into thinking that their children will come out changed. The bootcamp may be just outside of the country or safe zone, which means it is outside the realm of the law. Your child would be submitted to beatings, taken to the brink of starvation, and running to the point of heat exhaustion or puking. There have been 31 deaths in the United States in bootcamps alone since 1980. In addition to all of this, brainwashing tactics are often applied in the "classrooms" the children learn in. You may get a different child, but they aren't allowed to go home until they produce the results the parents want. The parents could send their children to bootcamp for anything from being gay to wanting to change their religious views.
I have never been an advocate for bootcamp due to the investigations that I have seen or read. Whether parents know it or not, there are other alternatives to help your child become the person you want them to be.
Rainey S. 98 (online)
ReplyDeleteI personally think that public humiliation used as a form of punishment is wrong and does nothing to change the child’s behavior for the better in the future. I feel that it will do nothing but teach the child to become more deceptive. As a result of the humiliation, I think the child will most likely feel that they cannot openly communicate with their parents for fear of future public humiliation. Don’t get me wrong, if a child chooses to lie, steal or otherwise make bad choices a punishment is necessary to teach the child that there are consequences for every action whether it is positive or negative. I would never subject my children to a public display of humiliation as a form of punishment. However, I will insist that my children take responsibility for their actions and apologize although it can be embarrassing.
I have two boys and a few years ago dealt with a situation involving theft when my son was around the age of 8 or 9. I was grocery shopping and he wanted a pack of gum and I said “no”. At that point he made a bad choice and decided to take it. Once I arrived at home and found him chewing the gum and asked where it came from, he admitted taking it from Kroger. I immediately made him spit it out and give me the rest of it. Then I explained that his choice to steal the gum was unacceptable and there were negative consequences for his behavior. I took my son back to the grocery store to return the gum and I offered to pay for it because he had opened it. Additionally, I instructed him explain to the lady at the customer service desk what he had done and apologize. Furthermore, he lost all privileges at home for several days as a consequence of his actions which left him with time to think about what he had done and how he might make better choices in the future. The fact that my son had to return the stolen item and apologize, taught him that there are consequences for his actions which can be unpleasant. We have not encountered any other issues of this nature to date. I would never have even pondered the thought of standing him in front the store holding a sign for the world to see. I personally feel that the punishment my son received was embarrassing but not in a demeaning public nature. Instead it taught him to own up to his wrong doing, take responsibility for his choices and accept the consequences for his behavior.
KW 40896
ReplyDeleteYes I believe this will have an impact on his future behavior.He probably wont do this particular thing again.
Would I use this form of discipline with my child,probably not because of the possible impact it can have on their future live. We have no idea what kind of way this child can be affected by this type of humiliation.
Peter A. 92
ReplyDelete1)
I agree with this mom's effort to improve her son's behavior. The lady has seemed to have tried all forms of punishments as well as reinforcements. I assume the 14 year old boy lacks a father in the household, and a caring mother is willing to go to the extremes to correct his behavior. I commend her for her actions. As a young adult male I can relate to this story. If I were forced to stand outside with an embarrassing sign I would improve my behavior. Many view the mom's method as unconventional, but I assure you this bad publicity will improve her son's behavior.
2)
If I were to have children I would seek another form of discipline. It is a shame that the mom had to indulge in that method of discipline. However, in the future when I become a father I will primarily engage in postive reinforcements, but as a man and as a father I guarantee that it will never escalde into any unconventional methods.
Peter A. 92 (online)
ReplyDeleteResponse to Rainey S. 98 (online)
When a child's behavior becomes so negative, it is only right that you try every legal method of discipline. If the child is still out of control, it is then necessary to teach the child that there are consequences for every action wheather it be negative, or unconventional. I leave you with one question. Would you rather let that 14 year old boy suffer from public humiliation or an extended stay at a correctional facility?
Rainey S. 98 (online)
DeleteResponse to Peter A. 92 (online)
I agree that discipline is an absolute necessity in raising a child in order to teach them right from wrong. However, I do not feel that public humiliation is the proper way to discipline a child. I will concede that given the only two choices in your question I would rather not choose an extended stay at a correctional facility. Why not explore other ways of instilling values over the 14 years of his life instead of being left with humiliation or jail? Do you think that if other tactics had been used incessantly throughout his life today’s result would be the same?
Jennifer B98 to Rainy S98
DeleteThe lacking part in this story is we don't know what else she has tried. I really don't believe that this was her first resort. If she had taken other steps like grounding, manual labor to work off the crime, a letter to apologize, advise from a male figure, and then how much did the kids fight it, argue and laugh it off - sometime "show me" works
Robin M. 07
ReplyDeleteThe breakdown between the child and his mother is awful. However wrong I feel the mother was I can't help but think she was at her wits end and just was willing to do ANYTHING to get her son's attention. In the whole scheme of things, with all the national attention this received, I bet other people thought more about it than the kid did. He may very well be going on his way merrily doing what he loves to do and the mother is still the one fuming at her son while people she doesn't even know are still disgusted at her for her use of punishment.I think this was an inefffective form of discipline. We have many options, tools and avenues to find ways of dealing with our children. If you don't know what to do reach out to those places that have good ideas...quite often we turn to other mothers who are battling the same stuff and are batting bad idea after another with each other instead of going to a good resource for some solid help.
Robin 07
ReplyDeleteIn response to Rainey's story good for you...humiliation IS a form of discipline...everyone for the most part wants to me wanted and or fit in...so when you do something that is wrong and it embarrasses you you most likely won't do it again. The fact that you took him back to the store to let him explain to the store manager what he did is what good parenting is all about...there is a difference between disciplining and punishing...and I think you disciplined well!!
Thank you Robin. I feel that there is a time and place for everything and I don't feel that standing in front of the store with a sign gets the job done. Don't get me wrong, I was embarrassed as well but apparently I made my point clear with my son and it worked like a charm because I have had no issues with it since.
DeleteJennifer B 98
ReplyDeleteI know that this is not a parent’s first choice, but it can benefit an child. We need to teach our kids that there are consequence’s to their actions, and those aren’t always comfortable, easy, or fun. That mom didn't put anything on the sign that was not true, she just made him show his current behavior to the public - better a sign than handcuffs and a police car. Sometimes life warrants a little shock and awe - I sure know that there are lessons that I've learned would not have been as pointed had it not had an audience. As for my own children, I have three - 17,13 and 9, I would absolutely try whatever I could to knock their butts back on track! An example - my son at about 6 didn't want to where his seatbelt, so I pulled into a low traffic route, had him get out of the car and walk for a 1/2 mile driving next to him explaining why he had to wear his seatbelt- at 17 he ALWAYS puts his seatbelt on. He learned a Consequence to his action.
Stephanie M. 98 (ONLINE) in response to Jennifer B. 98
DeleteThat's a creative method to get a kid to wear a seatbelt!
Kathy W 98 Response to Peter A 92
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Peter,this mother probably wont have this problem out of him again.I do however thinks it's rather drastic and a lil over the top but I don't know the whole story....did she try other methods,did she give him fair warning of this type punishment.I don't know.I do commend her for taking some active role in trying to discipline, for we know what happens to a child that lacks supervision or discipline.
BrandonM.93
ReplyDeleteI feel like that would both help and hurt the child. Standing holding the sign for two hours
is hard on the child. Im sure he felt embarrassed and won't make the same choice twice. I also think that's a little harsh and could affect him for his entire life. Kids do bad things it's part of growing up you live and learn. When I have children I would not choose to that. I will still have consequences but just not as bad.
I AGREE WITH BRANDONM.93 YOU LIVE YOU LEARN BUT TO WHAT EXTINCT? ARE YOU WILLING TO TAKE CHANCES ON A TEENAGER THAT SHE OR HE WILL GET THE POINT?
DeleteDashuna L 44
DeleteI agree, i do not think it should have gotten this bad. It is humiliating and its very sad
BrandonM.93 In response to Meredith P. 98
ReplyDeleteI agree shame would and might work. Even so this is still a little too much for the mother to be doing.
Sylvenna H. 96
ReplyDeleteI feel that if a child is too bad to bare then yes this is a good tactic. As I see on tv with beyond scared straight, some of those kids don't act right after they visit prison. Now a days kids at 14 be in gangs, selllin drugs, and having sex. So I think his could be a good way to keep them in line if nothing else works
If my child gets to the point where nothing I do to try to discipline her then I will first try letting her visit prison then I will try the "shame tactic"
Sylvenna H. 96
ReplyDeleteIn response to BrandonM.93
I agree with you that this tactic could be good and bad. Because the child may also not get the punishment and do the same thing again. When it comes to selling drugs and stealing I will chose a harsh punishment because I will not let anyone in my house sell any kind of drugs
Jewel A. 98
ReplyDeleteI strongly disagree with this mother!!! I would never humiliate my son this way. By the age of 14, she should have already tried to get him into sports, or some other activities to occupy his time. How active in his life is she? Putting him on the streets like that will only make the child resent his mother and lose all respect for her. He may never trust her again, and this could lead to even more problems for him and her.
Mary H. 97
ReplyDelete1. Do you feel this type of punishment may actually help change this child’s behavior?
Well, in my opinion this may change the behavior of the child momentarily, however if the child is like many teenagers he will most likely go back to his old habits. For something as severe as the crimes this child's involved in, I think he needs a more severe punishment.
2. If you have children or if in the future you were to have children, would you consider this type of consequence with your child? Please tell why or why not.
If my child was young and was doing small things I may consider this. However, for things such as stealing and drugs I think that a child needs a stronger punishment. If anyone has seen the "Beyond Scared Straight" program on A&E you know as well as I do that many teenagers think they are tougher than they are. This program takes teens that are getting in trouble and puts them in jail from 1-3 days and shows them what their life will be like if they continue on the path they are on. To me, if I had a child getting in trouble I would try to find one of these programs to set my child straight.
Jewel A. 98 in response to Diana C. 98
ReplyDeleteI agree 100% with Diana about sending a teenager to bootcamp. I know a guy who terrified everyone that he came in contact with when he was a teenager. He had a lot of rage and anger inside. When we were younger and I would see him walking down the street, and I would cross the street so that I did not have to walk near him. He was on a one way path towards destruction. His parents finally got tired of his action and they decided to send him to bootcamp. When he came home he was a totally different person. Even today he will tell anyone of how mean and evil he was and how bootcamp changed his life.
Mary H. 97 in response to Robin M. 07
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that this child most likely after a little while just went back to his old ways. It's so hard to be a parent of a child that is into the wrong crowd. I have no doubt in my mind she was just fed up and thought this could hopefully help.
M.Dixon (40896-online)
ReplyDelete1. I don't think this type of punishment was necessary. It was more huniliating than anything else do you really think he learned his lesson. why is he doing these things? Could it be that he is reaching out for help. You must research all factors. Is he living in a single family home? Are the parents so busy into their own situation that their son is reaching out for help. We as parents tend to get so caught up in our own stuff that the kids seem to be placed on the side and then we wonder why they are lashing out.
2. This would not be an option for me. My daughter was lashing out and I needed to find out. I took the necessary precautions to seek help for her to express her feelings. She was feeling the stress of her parents divorce. I sought help for her. We as parents must take the time to speak to our kids about wat they are feeling and perhaps take the initiative together the help the need to express themselves. Teenagers have such a straunge way of expression.keeping the lines of communication open.
Stephanie L. 96
ReplyDeleteI do not believe this type of punishment would be affective at all. If the child is already breaking the law, doind drugs and stealing, why would he care if he has to hold a sign for two hours? I understand that it was in a public place, but if he has gotten into that much trouble already, he is obviously in a state of mind that he is going to do whatever he want no matter what the consequences are.
I would definately not try this type of punishment on my daughter. I think as a parent it is my responsibility to know the warning signs and catch this type of problem early on. I believe that open communication is key. If the child feels that the parents are people they can trust maybe this type of behavior could be avoided all together.
Allie S. 98
ReplyDeleteAs much as I try to see the reasoning behind this method, I can’t. I don’t see how humiliation, in any way, would help this situation. It seems that she has attempted to resolve this problem with other methods and felt that if nothing else will work, it’s worth giving this a try. I watched the video, and the kid didn’t look phased at all but what was happening to him, as if he didn’t care. He is at that point to where he just doesn’t care, and it’s going to be extremely difficult to get him out of that mindset. I do find interesting how the older brother is, as it seems, perfect. I believe that could also be a root of his problem. Also, he is a teenager, probably not hanging out in the best good crowd. If he is trying to "impress" other children, he might possibly come to the realization that what he is doing is stupid, and grow out of it. I could also see this as a form of trying to steal the attention away from his older brother. Either way, at least the mother is trying to make a difference and put a stop to his behavior. He is still young, and can still change.
Amario J.97 in response to Allie S. 98
DeleteThere are other ways that the mother could have gone about punishing you son. At fourteen years old we all go through the "fit in" stage and probably did some things that our parents would not have approved of. Her son is in a time of his life were he is trying to see where he fits in in society as he knows it and this type of punishment is only gone to fill him with more anger i feel. His behavior is simply a cry out for attention and i think that the mother needs to try to sit him down one on one and tell him how his behavior makes her feel and to set aside some disciplinary actions for his behavior if it proceeds.
Allie S. 98 in response to BrandonM.93
ReplyDeleteI agree with the fact that making mistakes is a part of life, and you live and you learn. I feel like this might just be a stage, but you never know. There really is no way of knowing which makes situations like this this very difficult to deal with. We are also on the outside looking in at this situation, we have no idea what other factors could be contributing to this behavior. There are so many other things needed in order to see the real situation, and why he is choosing to act this way. I also agree that is not a punishment I would choose for my child.
Amario J.97
ReplyDeleteI feel that the mother should have thought of a more positive way to punish you son for the mistakes he made. For example, taking away one of his most priced possessions or privileges. The humility of standing on a street corner may cause her son nothing but embarrassment and in return this may lead to a back lash of more bad behavior out of spite for what his mother made him do. When i have children i would never abuse the authority i have as a father by punishing my children in this manner. I just feel that the way she chose to discipline her son was a little harsh and there are other ways she could have gone about it.
Amber F. 97
ReplyDeleteYes, I believe this type of punishment may help change the child's behavior. The overwhelming embarrassment and unpleasant stares might be the humiliation the child needs to accept the consequences of his bad choices. Many individuals have stated that this type of punishment will affect the child later in life. However, the consequences of lying, stealing, selling drugs, and not obeying the law will be far worse later in life. Not all children are the same and some may need a more direct approach to handling a situation of this caliber.
In the future if I were to have children, I would consider this type of punishment. Of course, this would be the last resort and I would first try to get to the root of the problem. Open communication will allow me to better understand why the child chooses to act in such a manner.
Amber F. 97 in response to Mary H. 97
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree that this type of punishment would be considered a temporary fix. A stronger punishment for his actions would benefit the child in the future. The child can either stand on the sidewalk with a sign at 14 or stand in prison with an identification number at 18. Removing the trigger for his actions early will result in a better life for him later.
Morgan P. 96(online) In response to Jewel A. 98
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you, in the fact that the child might not trust the mother in the long run. My wanted to punish my sister and I in unconventional ways and neither one of us have a relationship with our father. There are so many other ways to help, like as you said sports, than stand on a corner with a sign.
KemiO.98
ReplyDeleteNO I WOULD NOT SUBMIT MY TEENAGE SON TO THAT TYPE OF PUNISHMENT BECAUSE TEENAGERS AT THAT AGE TEND TO BE VERY SENSITIVE WHEN THEY ARE EXPOSE TO PUBLIC PUNISHMENT. IT HAS BEEN KNOWN THAT WHEN YOU PUNISH A TEENAGER WHERE EVERYBODY COULD SEE AND HAVE AN OPINION MOST LIKELY IT IS GOING TO BE VERY NEGATIVE. THEREFORE, THE TEENAGER WOULD LIKELY REBEL BECAUSE OF THE TEASING FROM OTHER PEERS AND LIKELY WOULD EVEN CAUSE THEM TO DO MUCH WORST THINGS OR CRIMES IN THE FUTURE.
kobra Z.98
DeleteI agree with KemiO.98
I would never consider this type of consequence with my child. it is absolutely wrong.
At this situation I would rather talk with the child not with a angry face or humiliation but like a friend .why he/she does these terrible things?
Because anger only makes things worse: when you ignore your child, he/she try to get you back in any way. the child feel guilty and try to recovery, so he/she tries to say lie for releasing himself.
With humiliation, parents do not let the child to grow up and Ruins their Self-Esteem.
A little embarrassed sometimes might teach a lesson on not doing some wrongs and is the best emotion to motivate someone to do better.
But there is a big difference between embarrassing the child and humiliating them.
it is better try to train up the child since they born, and we begin to clean up our own act to set a good example . Children are pure, innocent, mischievous, fun and loving.
Some times with kindness, patient, little acknowledge and Reinforce which take years, as a result you rear a respectful child.
Sylvenna H 96
ReplyDeleteIn repsonse to KemiO.98
Im wondering how would you dicipline your child if they are stealin and selling drugs?
Misty H. (92)
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am not sure that I agree with what the Mother did in this circumstance, I do understand being at a point of “What is going to work with this kid?”
My brother and I are complete opposites – really a case of bad kid, good kid. I was the “perfect” child as he liked to say – I went to school, had good grades, was involved with extracurriculars, etc…; never gave our Grandparents any grief. He on the other hand had behavioral issues that are very similar (and exceed) those of the kid in the story. My Grandfather liked to ignore it thinking it would go away and my Grandmother tried everything she possibly could to improve the situation – discipline, counseling (single & family) and humiliation/shame.
I can honestly say not a single thing worked on him, but it had profound effects on me and kept me towing the line! If I ever thought about getting out of line, all I had to do was think about what Grandma would do as my punishment and 90% of the time it was enough for me to decide it was not worth it. J
I hope that this kid wakes up and sees that he has a precious gift in life and doesn’t waste it and does do something to turn it around, but unfortunately, even with the best of intentions, and was the case with my brother, nothing ever changed. Unless he wants to better himself what his mother does will be meaningless to him.
Clint G.(97)
ReplyDeleteI believe that it would make the teenager not do anything like that again and could possibly change his behavior, but also I believe that this type of punishment that I feel is more public humiliation than anything, would cause the teen to possibly rebel against the mother and even worsen his behaviors. If I ever had kids, I would not take this route of punishment because I feel that it has no positive effect on behavior. Personally, if it was me that got this punishment, I would probably hate my parents and would do anything to retaliate and act bad. I would probably never talk to them again either.
In response to Misty H. (92)
I do agree with you on the question that would come about " What is going to work for this kid?" I'm sure that humiliation in public could straighten his behavior, but like I said, it could do the complete opposite. I am like you, as I had strict parents and family members and if I ever had something come up that I knew I could get in trouble, I would think of consequences. And that was enough to make me not get out of line.
Tamiko K.97
ReplyDelete1.In my opinion, I do believe this type of punishment may actually help to change this child's behavior. No one knows what forms of restriction/punishment the mother had already tried, with her 14-yr old son. Not all, but a lot of people try to raise their children to the best of their abilities, this may be her last resort before considering a boot campfor her son.Often times adolescents are influenced by their environment. Where do children spend a majority of their days? School, not to mention the wave of technology with FaceBook, iPods, texting, etc. All of these can be connections to peers, even with parents being present, 24/7. Maybe this is why this mother choose this form of punishment for her son. I do not think of it being harsh or humiliating. What would be harsh or humiliating would be if this 14-yr old boy would have stolen the LAST $10 a near homeless parent had, to buy food for their starving child(ren; or if he lied to someone and said the ecstasy he was selling them was really something far more harmful that could have possibly killed them. Yes, I think this punishment may actually change this child's behavior. Adolescence is a very critical time for young adults, being a mother of a teenager and an aunt or 3 nieces, I have realized, in my opinion, during adolescence is when you could become a best friend to your teen or lose them to their peers.
2.I have children. I can not say whether I would consider this type of behavior or not. I would have to be faced with the circumstance to to decide. I can say that I do not "think" I would have to consider this type of punishment with any of my children. I remain more than involved in my children's "business." I talk to my children on a regular basis, therefore, I can usually sense when something is not right or is bothering them. My children are also taught at a VERY young age that 'mommy' is the boss. Most of the time I can give them a certain look and straighten right up. :)
TamikoK.97 in response to AmberF.97
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with your statement. During adolescence is the most critical time in a young adults life. I believe you have to sensitive to things that teens are going through, while still being very direct. As you stated, attempting to get a handle on the problem now will possibly result to less problems in the future.
Henry B. 1101
ReplyDeleteWell it really all depends. Honestly that sounded like an awesome idea and very funny, but the method could easily not work effectively. The teenager could build up resentment towards the mother for embarrassing him in such a manner. How close is the relationship between the mother and son? It might depend on the relationship at home to know if this was a good punishment. If the relationship isn't that close then this punishment method could seem like a practical joke for the mother to get some kicks out of her child's wrongdoing. I kind of compare it to high school. The son could view his mother as a bully. In this case her efforts might be pointless. If the relationship is close, then the teen might consider what other crazy ideas his mother might come up with as punishment. I know if it were me, I wouldn't do anything wrong again. I'd like to get paid for standing outside holding a sign!
Tanya G (Online) 98
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of a sometimes disobedient and unruly 14 year old son (who feels his older sister is the perfect one), I know that children at that age are very easily influenced by their peers. This mother claims to have tried other alternate means of punishment. I feel if she has exhausted all means of punishment to no avail then by all means, give this a try. The pressure of humiliation by his peers may possibly end this behavior. On the flip side of that, it could make him angry and he could become worse. Point is, try to fix these small issues now before they become larger issues later in life. No one likes humiliation but it is a fact of life that at some point happens to us all.
As a parent, I have to admit, I am a little conflicted over this type of punishment. As I was growning up, the only form of punishment was spanking. The choices were belt, paddle, switch, or whatever was most readily available. Today, parents are told not to spank their children. There are so many other forms of punishment available. Such as timeout, or taking privileges, or in this case...humiliation. I can't say I would never use this as a form of punishment, and after discussing this incident with my children, they both agreed it would definately work for them.
I agree with what you are saying and because I only have very young children I didn't really take the rebelliousness factor into consideration. it is always interesting to see parenting from a diffident age.
DeleteTanya G (Online)98 In response to Meredith P 98
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you. I think each child is different and therefore the punishment should be different for each child. One thing I noticed in particular about this incident is even though this child is doing these things, he still stood on that street with that sign for 2 hours. The punishment his mother gave him. I feel there has to be some form of respect toward his mother to keep that child from throwing down that sign and walking away.
Christa H 98 (Online)
ReplyDeleteI feel that this punishment is a little harsh for a 14 year old. If the child has cause this much trouble then maybe he needs someone he can trust to sit down with and talk to like a psychiatrist. Children do lots of things just to get attention and maybe this woman has not realized that she could be one of the factors in this child's behavior. This is wrong to do to such a young child. It could cause problems for him forever.
Also, if I had a child I would never turn to this embarrassment. In my opinion this would only make things worse rather than help the child understand. He would want to rebel even more and it could go from him stealing and lying to him raping and murdering. Tactics like this should be seen as mental abuse and not over looked.
Christa H 98 (Online) In response to Clint G.(97)
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you. This punishment would bring nothing but embarrassment to the child and only worsen things. It would probably cause the child more mental problems than before. Kids need comfort and attention and to feel needed and wanted. Maybe this kid just was not getting that from his mother.
Adrienne K 97 (Online) in response to Christina H 98
ReplyDeleteI agree with your comment. At 14 years old, I would believe this boy to be in his last years of middle school or a freshman in high school. For a mother to make her child do something like that just seems absolutely ridiculous to me. For a child at that age, it would be a complete embarrassment to him! Being that age is already a big deal in a child's life when changes of high school and making new friends are happening all at one time. I would imagine it to ruin the whole experience for him and I don't believe it would change his behavior, it would just embarrass him. It would also probably just make him dislike his mother as well.
If this was my kid there is no way I could do this to him. What's wrong with grounding a child and punishing him by maybe taking his cell phone away and not letting him out to see his friends for a few weeks? Since when does a mom feel the need to go to this extreme?
SummerC40898
ReplyDelete1) I believe that this wasn't her first attempt at trying to take a shot at curing these many discipline issues she was having with her son. However,in this instance I believe that being his age;14, that developmentally it would not benefit her to use this method of discipline with him. Public humiliation would not be the way to go. He is not a crying toddler who needs their name called in the store because they are throwing a fit about a toy! He's a teenager who is seeking attention in any possible way that he can, hints the drugs and law breaking. I would say that in most cases bad behavior stems from a lack of parental supervision and parent/child relationship. Kids require lots of attentive interaction. however, you give them too much freedom and they will run with it.
2)I follow the advice I have learned from my parents of four kids, passed along is that; setting rules and allowing a child to know what their role in the family is alongside of yours helps. And giving much needed positive reinforcement in the younger years will only give you the lead later on when they become teenagers. We can never say for certain that anyone knows exactly what it is that makes a perfect child. All you can do is to make judgement based on what you believe to be the best thing for the child and never be afraid to ask for advice from a reliable source.
SummerC40898:Reply to Stephanie M98
ReplyDeleteI agree with you in trying to reach out and find different resources which many not only help the kid but the mom as well!! Reminds me of that saying about "it takes a nation to raise a child" speaks wonders because you never stop to realize just how many people are involved and in your childs everyday life! It is our job as parents to tap every source we can in order to do whats best for our kids!
Jamesatta M.02
ReplyDeleteThis type of punishment is abuse,emotional abuse. why would any mother want to humiliate her son this why? This also reflexes the kind of mother she is.She was desperate to humiliate her son, but not to help him. What else did she do to help her son stop these behaviros? Did she try talking to him to find out why is he acting this way and what can she do to help him? She needs to ask herself where she went wrong. I believe if she asks herself andhave a one on one conversation with her son she would be able to come up with a better solution.
Jamesatta M.02
ReplyDeleteI would never punish my child like that. his or her shame is my shame.I would talk to my child and make him or her understand that what they are doing is wrong and ask them what can I do to help them. Get advice from family and friends. Take him or her to church and just try to do whatever I can do to help.
Jamesatta M.02 in respond to M.Dixon
ReplyDeleteM. Dixon states a very valuable point wish sometime are the cause of children acting up at home.with we do sometime get caught up in our lives and tend to forgets about what is going on in our kids lives. Children tend to act up to get some kind of attention by doing things they got no business doing. When this happend, we as parents do not humiliate our kids but talk to them and find out why they are acting this way?and then get them the help they need.
I think that they way she punished her child was VERY drastic. And no I do not think this way of punishing is beneficial. Me being of 18 years old..I would probably be pretty peeved and rebel. It's very humiliating. As my mom always said "what happens in this house stays in this house" Something are better left alone and dealt with inside your own home. When I do have children,no, I would not take it to that level.
ReplyDeleteAmber Sutton
Shenique G. 97 in response to Amber S
DeleteI do agree with you but what about the children that are disrespectful & their parents have tried any and everything you can think of? what would be your suggestion then?
Devin K. 98
ReplyDeleteI feel that this type of punishment is not wrong. I feel that the mother did what she thought she needed to do in order to help her son. Now, I'm not saying that public humiliation would be my first choice but who's to say she hadn't tried everything else first? If you have tried over and over to reach your child different ways and you are still not reaching them, sometimes, as a parent, you feel the need to take drastic measures.
Micah S 96
DeleteI agree totally. We don't know the whole story. He could have been arrested before and this was her last hope. I personally could think of other punishments but she is the mother, not I!
Shenique G. 97
ReplyDeleteI do not feel that this form of punishment is wrong, but i would not use this punishment right away it would be a last resort punishment. If a child has gone through every form of punishment but continues to do what he or she is doing then i believe that this will be the best solution. As far as me using this punishment for my child. I would try my best to each my child in another way but if all fails then unfortunately i would use this form of punishment.
Molly K. 98
ReplyDeleteI still do not see the connection between this type of punishment and good behavior. If anything I would think that this would only encourage the child to be turned against his mother and possibly cause him to reliate even more. I am not saying that he should not be punished but it sounds more like a serious cry for attention and/or love. As a mother to a son I would not take this approach with him. There is definitely something that needs to be addressed with this child in a more one on one level maybe it's the crowd he is in contact with but to me it sounds he is looking for something that he can not find.
Stacey F. 96 in response to Molly K.
DeleteI completely agree that this is not a healthy way of disciplining a child. There is always a reason for a child acting this way and it takes a patient, loving parent to find the real problem. I also agree that this would only distance the child from his mother as this public embarrassment will only cause the child to be a social outcast or bullying in school.
Stephanie L. 96 in response to Molly K.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand how this type of punishment would result in better behavior either. I agree that this kid is wanting attention and searching for something that he isn't receiving. I'm not sure of what else this mother has tried with her son, but as a mother, she should really step back and look at what the root of the problem is and talk it out with her son.
I do have children and if I were in her situation I do feel that this type of punishment would work. It sounds like the child more than likely fell into this lifestyle do to pier pressure. by making him go out and wear the sign she effectively exposed him to the other side of this influence. I have a two year old son and a one year old daughter and I can tell you for my children it is all about follow threw. If you say that they will get something taken away or they will be disciplined in some way you have to hold to it. From now on if she says change your ways or I will make you wear a sign as long as she sticks to it he will more than likely change his behavior.
ReplyDeleteAnna M. 42
ReplyDelete1) I do not agree with this type of punishment, but in some cases I believe it may have some results with the child. I would never use it on a child myself, but different things work for different people. I remember when I was younger my mother simply telling me she was ashamed in me made me stop whatever it was I was doing. I don't believe that taking your personal problems out where everyone can see it will make anything better; it would simply embarrass the child.
2) I do not see myself ever doing this with any child. I believe there are many alternatives that could possibly end up working a lot better in the end. If i were in that situation and my child was lying, stealing, doing drugs, and not following the law; I would try several different things before ever even thinking about doing anything like this. One of the first things I would do would be to sit down with the child and try to have a real conversation about why they are acting as they are. If that didn’t work then I would go to more harsh measures, but trying to talk it out would always be my first try.
Anna M. 42 In response to Molly K. 98
ReplyDeleteI completely agree, this type of behavior would simply turn the child against the mother. I also agree this behavior is possibly a cry out for help, love, or attention. I believe the mother should take different approaches to this problem verses continuing the way she is now.
G.MUTURA-98-ONLINE.
ReplyDeleteI beleive this is not fair at all.It will in no way help the child to change.If a parent is to give a displinary action or punishment,it should not be too harsh or too soft or else it will not work.The parent should have come up with a better way to discipline the child.The punishement was too humiliating and may cause the child to do other worse stuff than what he already did.The parent sholud get some counseling on how to bring up kids and also have her child under therapy.The government should also enact some laws to govern how parents adminster displine to their children top avoid such disgusting incidents.
G.Mutura-98-online in response to Jodie.
ReplyDeleteI really do not agree with you that the punishment would work for the child.Remember as parent if your punishment is too harsh for the child,it will not have much effect.This is still your child.it may even trigger the child to invoive in some vice as suicide.Invent or establish more effective ways to adminster discipline in children.For xample letting them undergo therapy.
Deana Lasseter
ReplyDeleteI have mixed feelings about this. In a way I see where the mother is coming from she wanted to scare the child and make him feel ashamed for what he had done which possible could have worked. He could have been so embarrassed to never what to do it again, or the complete opposite he would have totally rebelled against the mother for even making him to something like that. I know my dad told me a story that when he was younger, my uncle kept going into my aunts room and played with the dolls, when my grandfather caught him he put him in a dress and sat him on the front porch for everyone to see. needless to say he never played with the dolls again. kind of the same situation. When i have kids, if options are running out and talking to the child are not working, yes i would consider doing this to hopefully opening his/her eyes.
Stacey F. 96
ReplyDeleteThis is a type of punishment for children that I cannot condone. Parents are the first and foremost responsible for their children's behavior and their actions. From birth to adulthood a child's development builds up to what they will become in our society. This is mostly brought from the child's environment and upbringing alone, other than those who may have mental disabilities. If a parent was truly involved in their child's life this case in-particular would not have reached this point spiraling out of control. There are more healthy ways for parents to discipline their children than making the child a public embarrassment which will only likely lead to more problems with school such as bullying, and further bad decisions by the child his/her self. This particular punishment would not even be an option for me if this situation involved my own future children. There is always a simple underlying reason for children to "act out" like this and it is the parents responsibility to find the underlying issue and take the right healthy steps to solve the problem(s) for the child's overall well-being.
Assel O. 96
DeleteI agree that parents are the main example for their kids' behavior.Children copy us. And the copy is not directly, but with some distortion, skipping our behavior through the filter of perception. Often we do not even suspect that it is in our behavior, triggered a particular trick of the child. Either way, his behavior does not occur in empty space, and is a manifestation formed therein stereotypes.
Assel O. 96
ReplyDeleteAs far as I can judge, for a 14-year-old kid who already steals and sells drugs, severe punishment might be the key to preventing his fault. Parents play an important place in child’s life. They have to show the boundaries of acceptable behavior and the rules by which people live.
If I was his parent I would try to understand his environment. I believe everything comes from home, but then kindergarten, then school and there he is confronted with a mass of examples of bad behavior. A bad example is known to be contagious. In this situation I don’t know if this kid will learn his mistake or not. He does terrible things for his young age. If I was his parent first of all, I would try to learn the environment he is in, his friends, what they do and try to understand where this behavior comes from.
1.)I think theres a 50/50 chance at change for her son, but ultimately I dont think that he will change his behavior right away. But it may infact cause other children to after seeing his "Scarlet Words".
ReplyDelete2.)I wouldnt consider this punishment with my children but I would make them bare witness to if not this case but a similar one. Seeing this is more so discouraging I think than performing the action would be.
SabrenaP10
ReplyDelete1) I think different forms of punishment may work for some children and not for others. I strongly believe that we should discipline our children; discipline, meaning "to teach". My initial reaction would be against this form of punishment; however, after reading the additional information, it occurred to me that this child is not just "stealing candy". He is stealing, lying and trying to sell drugs. This is serious! The mother seems to feel that she has tried everything within her means to correct her son. She may feel that a little humiliation may change his attitude and behavior. My living conditions, back ground and surroundings may be very different from hers, so it is impossible for me to say what I would do, not having walked in her same shoes.
2) As a mother, I do not like humiliation techniques. I use both positive reinforcement and negative reinforcement. I also try to set the proper example. If my child ended up on the streets stealing, lying and selling drugs and made no behavioral changes after parental and the judicial systems forms of discipline where ignored, then Yes, I would try this as a last resort. Why? I have lost a sister to addiction. She became addicted as a young teenager. Conventional methods of punishment did not work. Until you have dealt with certain issues first hand, you never know what you will do to save the life of a loved one.
Merry B, 97 online
DeleteI agree with you on this. It's not a form of correction I would pursue at first but if need be it would be a last resort. Just as you said, you don;t really know what you would do unless you were in that situation. Personally I give the mother props for not just giving up on him.
SabrenaP10
ReplyDelete(reply to DevinK98)
I agree. This would not be my first choice but I would be willing to try it to save my child. After reading the additional information, I think the mother did feel like she had tried everything. It appears this child was not listening to any authority figure. I feel she was trying to save her son's life.
Molly K. 98
ReplyDelete(replying to Jamesatta M.02)
I completely agree with you! Their shame is our shame as a parent you are suppose to guide them to do the right things though they will not always you should not subject them to that type of treatment.
Merry B, 97 online
ReplyDeleteI have mixed feeling about this because it seems at this point the child needs something a little more to get the point. I am sure there are other ways to go about it. I don't have children and I don't really know what I would do if this happened. The way I see it is, is he going to learn a lesson on the street corner with a sign or in the corner of a jail cell. Everyone is against this but in reality if you love your child you will do what ever you feel will give him a bright future and in this case I think the mother done the best she knew how.
Micah S. 40896
ReplyDeleteI think that this form of punishment is only going to fuel his bad behavior. At 14, a teenager might get embarrassed by this punishment, but it's gonna make him feel like a little child and they are going to rebel. A teenager usually wants to be viewed as an adult and this punishment has child written all over it. My mom used to do this to my sister and it made her worse. When she went to jail it put everything in perspective for her.
I agree with you. Teenagers will be rebelious and it will fuel his behavior.
DeleteTroy H 98
ReplyDeleteA child’s response to this type of punishment depends on their love language. One could argue either an outcome of shame or salvation with this situation. If you are not familiar with “The Five Love Languages", I would suggest that you read it. It basically reveals how a person receives love. In the case of this young man, if his love language is any of the five except words of affirmation, then standing on a street corner wouldn’t shame him. In my opinion, the gesture by the mother was right on target. I have three children and wouldn't hesitate to use shock and awe to help them from becoming drug addicts. Then, hopefully this will lead them to their salvation in the future .
Temi O 98:
DeleteThat's an interesting way of looking at it. I strongly agree on the part that you need to understand their love languages. Although I still son't believe that this method would work in changing anyone for the better for it could permanently damage them. Maybe I'm thinking like this because I don't have any children yet, but I know if either one of my parents did this to me, It would just seem like they don't care for me whatsoever and they are looking for a way to embarrass me. Sometimes you do have to use tough love, yes, but not in this fashion.
TroyH98 repying to Jodie WallaceJan 20, 2012 08:59 AM
ReplyDeleteJodie I couldn't agree with you more. Peer presure is huge and always has been. It dates back to the bible, Cain and Able. It is interesting to read the opinions of this blog, people with children and vs. the people without children. Thanks for letting me comment.
CindyH47
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to say. Different kids respond in different ways. I would say that she should have instilled the values in her son in the first place. Trying to correct what you did wrong years before by humiliating your teenager is kind of backward to me.
CindyH47 in response to Stacey F. 96
ReplyDeleteI agree. I have a 6 year old daughter, so I can't begin to understand what it's like to parent a teenager... but I'm instilling the values now, trying my best to raise her right so she won't be a bad teen! Trying to fix them when they are older after you did a crap job of parenting I'm sure is MUCH HARDER than actually starting from when they are young.
This mother needs therapy herself. This kind of treatment is doing nothing but going to hurt the boy even more. This is going to cause major psychological issues for the boy. There is a way to punish your children and if it is as bad as them selling drugs there are intervention programs and other options than to totally kill his self esteem.
ReplyDeleteLovely A. ONLINE
ReplyDeletethere are other ways to discipline a child and this mother in my opinion took it a little too far. her son is still a child regardless and her approach was public humiliation. but at the same time there are actions for your consequences but she could have put him on punishment,took something he loved from him but to make him walk around with that sign is wrong in my opinion.
Lovely A. ONLINE
ReplyDelete2. i have two children but they are little but at the same time, if my son ever stole then there would be a consequence maybe taking him to a juvenille detention center as a visit to show him that if he does it again that he could end up in there. my children would just have alot of privileges taken away due to their behavior and acts.
Heather P (96) in reponse to Stephanie M (98)
ReplyDeleteYou put it so great!! There are so many other options the mother could have tried instead of putting her kid in that situation. Scared straight would be an EXCELLENT tactic. A visit to inmates might just show the kid what kind of life he would have if he kept doing the things he was doing
Lovely A ONLINE in response to Shana ONLINE,
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you. its a time and place to do certain things and that was not one of them. just because one of your children is doing well does not mean that the other one should be treated as the golden child. children are going to make mistakes. her way of making him aware was wrong and she could have done other things to get his attention and i agree that he will probably lash out at her more due to the fact that she put him on a corner for two hours doing that and trying to make him an example its already hard enough that he is a male but a young black male at that. he needs guidance, a mentor, a father figure that will show him the right way so that he doesnt end up in jail or juvenille detention
Brian C 92
ReplyDeleteI do not think that this type of punishment will help the child's behavior because I think this would humiliate him which would only make him more angry and would continue to rebel probably even worse. I don't think this is a harsh punishment but I think it's somewhat pointless and I would probably not use this on my own children.
maureenG62
ReplyDeleteI don't feel this is appropriate punishment for a 14 year old boy, humiliation is never acceptable for anyone . The thought that humiliating someone would improve their behavior is disturbing. I would think that he has not been given clear boundaries and no consistent, understandable consequences have been given to him. this seems like "lazy " parenting.
MaureenG62
DeleteIn reply to stacys92 , I agree that this is not acceptable punishment . I would think that this child has not had a firm consistent guide in his childhood. The fact that he has a "perfect sibling" has nothing to do with him, each child is an individual who need appropriate, clear consequences that enforce the behavior you want, not a last ditch effort to humiliate a child into a behavior that has not been reinforced before reaching this point. I expect that he is just trying to get some acknowledgment either good or bad from his parent.
CandissR98
ReplyDeleteIf this is what you call punishment, you are wrong. This is humiliating and I know he will not learn anything from it in the long run. If anything, he would still get into trouble. I have a daughter and I would not embarrass her like this. I will talk to her or ground her. Plain and simple.
Carolyn W
ReplyDelete1.) I think it depends on the child being "shamed" If my parents did this to me growing up I wouldn't last 5min with the sign around my neck and I would have learned my lesson. I hate to get embarrassed in public over anything. Some children would have to have the lesson learned the hard way, like those scared straight shows because having a sign around their neck and standing in public would do nothing, but make them turn it into a joke.
2.) Now if I had children, I would hope to raise them like my parents raised my siblings and I. We have a pretty open relationship and my parents knew what was going on in our lives so they didn't have to resort to this as a punishment.
Temi O 98:
ReplyDeleteWow this is interesting. I think that's a terrible way to try to get a child to change. That is very embarrassing, not only on the child's part, but on the parents because it seems like the child lacks home training. How is humiliating him like that going to cause him to change? I understand the embarrassment might make him think twice next time he does that, but that could easily do the opposite. Even if the child changes, some people will still know him as "the child that steals, sells drugs, etc." Due to this, the child could just get the "well people already know what kind of person I am, might as well keep it up" attitude. Issues like this need to be corrected with love and proper attention. I would never choose this method of punishment for my child, because it's not the best, and it doesn't seem like an effective method. Being the person that I am, I would show him love, try to understand him better and get him the help he needs to change his ways.
Aaron E
ReplyDelete1) I believe this act may change a child's behavior, but not necisarily in a positive way. This could simply have the effect of the child becoming used to such titles, thus lessening their effect on the child's actions. I do believe other means to correcting these behaviors would be more beneficial, such as a more traditional punishment of grounding.
2)I would never treat my child in such a fashion. As important as it is to teach them that these things a wrong, I dont feel any parent should so blatantly embarass and belittle their child publicly. I believe more reasonable methods are available to accomplish the same ends.
Jamila92
ReplyDeleteI think shaming a child is one of the best teachers. I know it worked for me. I remember when I was around eleven years old, my aunt gave me a leather outfit with the different patterns on it. In front of her and my mom I showed the dislike in this outfit. At that time I was cheering for a boys and girls club and we had a banquet that night. my mom made me where that outfit and some of her boots that was too big. Needless to say I never forgot that day or the lesson she taught me. Always appreciate whatever someone gives you and never make a person feel bad because of it. No one has to ever do anything for you. so in my opinion it was a great learning experience.
Crystal N.97
ReplyDeleteI do not feel that this type of punishment will be effective for this particular child because the mother stated that she has tried numerous methods to try to change her sons behavior with no results.His callous behavior is indicative that he is a very troubled child who desperately needs some type of intervention.
I am the mother of a thirteen year old girl and I would never consider subjecting her to this method of punishment.I dont feel that exposing a child to potential ridicule from complete strangers could possibly have a positive outcome.
1. The punishment administered by the child's mother may in fact yield dramatic, immediate results. However, longevity of these results would be shaky (to say the least). It is my opinion that unless the young man takes it upon himself to seek out and adhere to some kind of moral standard, he will most likely commit the same crimes.
ReplyDelete2. Were I to have a child one day, I would never, ever consider this type of punishment for my child. While there may be immediate results, the resentment he or she would harbor against me would probably only encourage them to commit more felonies. It is also important to remember that a person is a person, regardless of age. The emotional damage dealt to a young one may very well haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Fese. E 02
ReplyDeleteI admire what this mom did. I believe if a child chooses to behave like a crimininal despite all the efforts and good training that the parent(s)have tried to use to guide the child, then he should be shamed so he understands the severity of his actions. If the issue is left alone after every attempt to rectify it, this 14year old would eventually go from stealing lying and doing drugs, to something worse like murder then he would really be humiliated when his image is plastered on every tv station and he is now a fear to society. Hopefully, by his mom exposing his lifestyle, the community might be able to come together and help find ways to help the family with counseling or just guiding him in the righ direction if they saw him doing something wrong.
joseph C 96 in response to Fese E 02I agree with you one hundred percent i think that the mom knows best and did what she thought was fit. No one knows there own child like the parents do. Because that child will graduate into greater things and then he will be shamed on in front of a judge for his crimes which will change his life forever.
DeleteFese E. 02 in response to Stephanie M.98
ReplyDeleteI am vety skeptical about some programs created to help guide and counsil troubled kids. I had some friends who were placed in these programs when we were children, and it seemed this was just an opportunity for them to come togehter and share how they have access to certain things such as drugs and how they steal. My friend seemed to like going to those sessions becuase it was her time to talk about how bad she was and brag about her latest mishchieve. I believe some of these programs work; however, children attending them should be closely watched and should have more constructive activities besides sports for example community service.
I dont think there is a right or wrong way to go about punishments for children. In some cases that particular child may be mortifified by the punishment and never want to have to do that again. Therefore shame would work. I have two children of my own and i know that there are things that work and things that dont work. My oldest took something from a store one time and instead of me handling it i made him take it back to the store manager and proceed to tell the manager what he did. This alone embarassed him so bad he hasnt ever done that again. This blog post reminds me of the book The Scarlet Letter. I dont know if anyone else has read it but it describes a woman who commited adultery and had to wear a scarlet A on her chest for the rest of her life. So basically in some cases shame will work wonderfully i guess it just depends on the situation and the child.
ReplyDeleteJoseph C 96
ReplyDeleteI dont think there is a right or wrong way to go about punishments for children. In some cases that particular child may be mortifified by the punishment and never want to have to do that again. Therefore shame would work. I have two children of my own and i know that there are things that work and things that dont work. My oldest took something from a store one time and instead of me handling it i made him take it back to the store manager and proceed to tell the manager what he did. This alone embarassed him so bad he hasnt ever done that again. This blog post reminds me of the book The Scarlet Letter. I dont know if anyone else has read it but it describes a woman who commited adultery and had to wear a scarlet A on her chest for the rest of her life. So basically in some cases shame will work wonderfully i guess it just depends on the situation and the child.
Antonio C 96
DeleteI agree with you totally. It depends on the child and how he would react. And I like how you took your kid back to the store and told the manager what he did and now the fact he doesn't steal anymore. Great job!
joseph C 96 in response to Fese E 02I agree with you one hundred percent i think that the mom knows best and did what she thought was fit. No one knows there own child like the parents do. Because that child will graduate into greater things and then he will be shamed on in front of a judge for his crimes which will change his life forever.
ReplyDeleteAntonio C 96
ReplyDeleteWow, i am overwhelmed by people saying this is humiliating and harsh for the teenager. I guess i was raised different from a lot of you then. Because this type of punishment was nothing compared to what punishment i went through as a kid. Especially if my grandparents took care of me. I was taught early on that if you went out of line you got severely punished for it. I did a lot stupid things when i was younger; however, i taught me self-discipline,being tough, respecting my folks and elders. Did harsh punishment effect me as a teen. Heck yea it did, and in a good way too. Now I'm just one example of that. I'm not saying that it can work for every child. But how i was raised made me a strong person not a weak one. So i have no problem with what that mother did to her child. Maybe it will help him in his future or maybe hurt him. I'm not a parent yet, but every parent told me once you let your kids go you just can only make sure you raised them right.
Jamie M
ReplyDeleteNicola F. 97 (online)
ReplyDelete1.I think because each child is different, it doesn't hurt to try. Who are we to judge.
2. Yes, because it is our jobs as parents to provide consequences for our children's bad decisions.
Nicola F.97 (online) in response to Antonio C.96
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with your comment. I was raised the same way.
Jamie M.01 Wouldn't it be great if our children came with an instruction manual? The Mom in the article reminded my parents and their ideas of proper punishment. When we had our daughter I promised myself I would not make the same mistakes! We decided on the "rules and consequences" Well, her teen age years took me for a loop. Yes, I lost my temper ,and I am the first to admit the rules and consquences was not enougph to encourage her to always make good choices! I still am a firm believer that you do what's right , because it is the right thing to do This is a longer process than instilling fear, and humiliation. Fortunately my dauager and I made it through those teen age years. Now, our family had grown and my husband and I enjoy watching our granddaughter play (she is two and already knows where her time out chair is!) It takes me back when I listen to my daugher and son in law voicing concerns about if she understands "no" or if they are being too strict. Hopefullly through better education and understanding of the brain and growth we can make better choices.
ReplyDeleteDeidre W. 97
ReplyDelete1. I don't know if him holdinga sign or not will help him change. But hopefully it will make him think about changing his ways to do better in society.
2. If I had tried other options to try to help him behave better, I don't think this is inhumane to have him do. I have a 13 year old and if he was acting up I would have not problem putting him out there.
Deidre W. 97 in response to Jamila 92. I agree with you I think shame is a big lesson learner to kids that age. At 14 they don't want their image to be tarnished in front of their friends, and what better way to straighten them out then make them do something in front of their friends that they don't want to do.
ReplyDeleteJamie M.96 in response to StephanieL96
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. When I thought my teen age daughter was heading down the wrong road, and The rules and consequences was not enough I sought out counseling and we both went.
1.)I feel this type of punishment will change the chils behavior, but not for the better. I think that it would make the child rebel more which would cause more problems in the long run.
ReplyDelete2.) I don't have any children at the present time but I plan too, and if my child was acting this way I would probably seek the help of several doctors because it sounds to me like there is severly something wrong in order for him to act out the way he was. You also have to keep in mind he's only 14, we all did stupid/ dumb things at that age.
Latreecia M 69
ReplyDeleteI feel this type of punishment would not be beneficial to the child. I dont think embarrassing the child will keep him from doing similar things in the future. I think he will end up sneaking and doing things to ensure that he does not get caught in the future. This is similar to the scarlet letter book.
I have a 5 month of son and I would not try to embarrass him to get him to straighten up. This is simply because I do not feel that it would be effective. Simply hanging a sign on a child may embarrass them at the moment but that would soon be forgotten.
In resoponse to Shana W.
ReplyDeleteI totally 100% agree with every statement that you made. The mother went about the situation the whole wrong way! There are so many other things she could have done to actually help him and guide him; however humiliation is not one of them
Latreecia M 96 in response to Angela R. 98
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I would not do this to my child either. I would contact counselors (im not sure if that is what you meant by doctors). Counseling helps lots of people and in great ways. Im sure it would be much more effective than sitting outside with a sign for 2 hours.
Jaime, I agree that the video shows a sense of low self esteem and pain. With such a vital stage in his life at hand, I think every choice his Mom makes, especially how she disciplines him, will play a major role in the type of adult he becomes. We can only wonder what his interations have been with his Mom, prior to this predicament.
ReplyDeleteAkia G 97 online
ReplyDelete1) tinypossum on Jan 12, 2012 at 1:11 PM
This is moronic and is a great indicator of why she failed as a parent and why her kid is a criminal at the age of 14. Do you actually think that public humiliation is going to suddenly make him change his ways? No. It is just going to make him feel even more worthless, hopeless, angry and vindictive.
2)i would nneer use this form of punishment on my child because i simply do not agree.
This story brings a great deal of sadness to my heart, as I can only think of how this young man is just a small example of a larger percentage of misfit children, acting out for attention and acceptance. Lax has another teenage son who appears to be on a path to success. I can't help but to wonder if the "bad seed" son may lash out in improper behavior as a method to receive some sort of attention. Psychology and Sociology shows us the many actions that jealousy can bring about. Although the mother stated that she expressed to her son that he does not have to live up to or compete with his brother, it is easier said than done. I feel as though the drastic measure could go drastically well or drastically wrong. The young man could turn more angry against his mother for embarrasing him, however, it could show him the deceitful life he leads is no longer needed. All attention is not good attention and only time will tell if Dynesha Lax's punishment scared her son straight. That is the chance we take when parenting, when we have an unconventional child, unconventional punishments may be required.
ReplyDeleteakia gaston 97 online
ReplyDeletein responce to Dian C. 98
I'd bet money that the first thing he does when he is done with this stupidness is commit another crime. If she'd raised him with any sense of self-worth, responsibility to himself and others, coping skills, self-sufficiency and a desire to succeed in life he wouldn't be in this situation.
Dashuna L. 44
ReplyDeleteIn todays society I do not think this will help the childs behavior. Now children feel like their parents are hurting them and they may feel like everyone is against them which results in suicide and/or depression. I do not think that was acceptable as a parent and as an Adult
Question 2 Answered:
ReplyDeleteAs a step-parent, I do not feel I would be able to impose such a major level of embarasment on my stepkids. There is such an unusual dynamic as a co-parent when it comes to discipline. I would add my opinions and assist, however I could not bring myself to do the same as Mrs. Lax. With that being said, when I have children that I am the primary Mother of, it will be my duty to make sure my children are making respectable choices, as I am the only Mother they have. There will be no other Mother to consult with and make a mutual decision with. I still could not see myself having my child standing on the street with such a sign. I would moreso go the route of having my son join a scared staright program to see where his life would turn out with that poor behavior. Embarrassment can cause anyone, namely a child, to lash out worse. I want to teach lessons to my children, not break down their respect and dignity.
Angelia D. 98 (ONLINE)
ReplyDeleteI’m not sure if this type of punishment will help to change the young man’s behavior. Every child is different and will react different to punishment. I can say that I do think it would change my children, granted they are younger than the child in this story, but I do feel it would change them. Ms. Lax had tried many different activities to keep her children out of trouble and it appears to have helped one of t hem, her 14-year-old just seems to need something else and who knows this may be what he needs. That of let him spend a weekend it jail being scared straight may be the only thing that works. Would I consider this as a punishment for my children? No, the way the world is today with children coming up missing with all too much frequency for fear of their safety. Would I send them to spend some quality time with inmates to see what life would be like for them if they don’t straighten up? Yes, sometimes kids need a good wake up call for what their actions will lead to. I always tell my kids that their actions have consequences.
For a child this type of punishment is unacceptable and would not even think about this for any of my children. I know they do this to some adults as shame which I think is fair for an adult but not a child. This can hurt the child's self esteem which might have issues due to their stealing. The last thing a child needs is to be ridiculed by his peers when wearing that sign. The child might even think the opposite and think if this is all I am getting for stealing then I will just do it again.
ReplyDeleteIn response to Angelia D. 98
ReplyDeleteWow I completely forgot about Scared Straight, I have to admit I love the show "Beyond Scared Straight"! I do believe some children need that to open their eyes. Now if my child was out of control I do think scared straight would be the way I go.
Reply to Stephanie M. 98 (ONLINE)
ReplyDeleteSome of what you have said I agree with and some I don't. Yes he is only 14 and will grow out of most things, however lying, stealing, and trying to sell drugs I'm not sure he will. She should spend more time trying to figure out what is "his thing" to get him involved in, but if he wanted to skip out and go back to his old habits, what would stop him? As bad as it sounds maybe she was at the end of her rope and this was the only punishment she could think of to maybe scare him straight. I don't agree with it as mean as this world has got, but she may not have felt she had any options left.
Deidra Sustaita
ReplyDelete1. When it comes to punishing a teenager for their wrong doings a "Good Parent" has to know what will benefit their own child. For instance, if this child doesn't have a conscious of what they are doing wrong this mother has the right to have her son hold the sign in order for him to be more aware of his wrong doings. However, this drastic punishment could very well damage a teenagers fragile self esteem. The parent has to be careful about giving out this type of punishment to often, because you want your children to grow into a confident adult.
2. I know that I would not give this kind of punishment out to my future children. I'd rather take them to visit a juvenile detention center to talk with the troubled teens. I would hope talking to a teenager already in that spot would scare them into changing his/her ways.
Mark (40892)
ReplyDeleteI believe the woman's heart is in the right place if not slightly misguided. I think the humiliation may prove to force her son to look at his actions from a different viewpoint. I've never really known anyone to not be humilated when there flaws are put on public display. I believe this kind of action typically makes people better at hiding what they don't want on display, rather than to stop doing it. I commend the woman on her attemped to bring her son's actions to light. While I think it probably successfully embarrassed the teen I doubt it get's to the root of the issue.
I understand your response and agree with it completely.
DeleteDuvawn.W Student ID: 900359331
Steven T 53 T-R 6-7:15
ReplyDeleteI think this mother is doing everything she can to help her son learn consequences. But i don't know if public humiliation is a good punishment, this mother should put him on the show "scared straight" it would definitely change his behavior. And when i have my own kids i don't think i would do something like this mother did. i hope it wouldn't come to that.
Duvawn.W Student ID:900359331 Online Course
ReplyDeleteI feel like this could be a very good idea for disciplining your child. But at the same time you have to know your child and how much public embarrassment they could take and not heart there ego. It could backfire in a very bad way and end up hurting there ego to much to where they have a hard time in school, around people etc. I dont have kids of my own but i would consider doing that if i had too. Also i would try other avenues before i got to that point.
Victoria M. 96
ReplyDelete1. This type of punishment isn’t appropriate for a child, I can understand the mothers hope that shame will make him change his ways but I think it will only lead to him feeling lower about himself and bring on enhanced feelings of worthlessness and possibly make him go back to taking or selling drugs. It might even make him ‘cool’ to the wrong crowd. What happened to good a good old fashioned slap on the back of the head or the removal of personal belongings?
2. I have a daughter, she is only 3 months old but I know I would not resort to this method of punishment. It’s a mother’s job to protect your child and im sure in this mothers head that’s exactly what she was doing but I wouldn’t do this. I would use scare tactics rather than shame tactics. I wasn’t the best child growing up and I know I made my mother have a lot of sleepless nights and if she had don’t this to me and my sisters it would have made us rebel even more. I still think good old fashioned groundings are good and I wouldn’t hesitate to organize a tour around a juvenile detention center. In Malaysia where I grew up I took a tour around a jail when I was 13 and it’s scary.
Shenique G. 97 in response to Amber S
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you but what about the children that are disrespectful & their parents have tried any and everything you can think of? what would be your suggestion then?
We all have a desire to hurt someone - at least in a small way - when they do something we don't like. This doesn't mean we go through with it, but the thought usually comes up. As a parent however - and I would argue also, even just as a human being - one should try there best not to let his/her anger influence the way they treat another person. Of course this is rarely possible, and parenting is no exception. So, we often lash out and then justify our actions in retrospect, and sometimes the justification comes first.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to say in this instance what the punishment's effects will be on the teenager. Since the action is pretty severe, the effects will probably be at least some what significant, but like all punishments, it will probably have both beneficial and detrimental outcomes. The teen may stop stealing, lying, selling drugs, and he may not. He may stop doing what his mother punished him for but may never agree with her outlook, become resentful, and take out agression against her and other authority figures in other ways. While no corrective action is guaranteed to work out in a specific way, public embarassment is nearly always a bad idea.
I will not consider taking any such action against a kid of mine, but for the mother in this story, I cannot make a judgement. She seems to have made a desperate move, both out of love and anger.
I forgot to put my name to this one too (above)
DeleteNate H. 92
OLIVERIO VASQUEZ
ReplyDeletei think that this tactic might have effect. next time this kid decides or thinks about doing something that is not right, he will always have that humiliation, because thats exactly what that was public humiliation, but he will always have that thought and he will most likely think twice before doing it. In my opinion i wouldnt go thru such extreme but then again it all goes into how desperate someone is to set their child strait. i would try other less extreme tactics.
Queena Garred-Adams
ReplyDeleteNo I feel that this type of punishment will not help change the child's behavior, it will only humiliate them and make their behavior worse.
No I would not consider this type of consequence with my children, because I do not feel that it is right to humiliate them in front of the public eye. I will punish my children behind close doors in our own private home. I will let them know that their behavior is not going to be tolerated in my home.
When my son was 10 years old his mother and I caught him with some fantasy game cards out in the parking lot at Wal-Mart,at the time I had a night time job at another Wal-Mart.So I went inside to talk to store manager on duty and he aggreed to help me scare my son.I went out andf got my son and told him he had come back inside and talk to the manager,while walking up to the store the manager of loss prevention met him at the door and escorted him to a room located in the store.While waiting the police showed up,but they were in on the punishment,they asked him a few questions,and since he admitted to stealing the cards,the police put the handcuffs on him and started to take him off,but the manager stopped them and then explained the problems that he had caused for himself and his family,his actions noy only affected himself but also his family,I could have lost my job had he been caught.He has not stolen a thing since then.I f you think that punishment doesn't work you are sadly mistaken,and that is the problem with society you must face the consequences of your actions good or bad.Have you ever had anything stolen,the attitude of alot of people today is that if you have it and I want it then I can take it,and if you don't beleive that statement just watch the local news one night and just see how many predators are waiting to make your property theirs.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if it would help the child improve his behavior. That call is tough to make without knowing much about the child other than a his age and a few of his sins. I could see the teen rebelling to a greater degree in response and I could also believe that from that day forward that child cleaned up his act.
ReplyDeleteAgain, not knowing all the circumstances it is hard to say absolutely that I wouldn't do anything but I can say there are a lot more punishments I would hand out before that one. I would suggest being harsh but not invite more trouble into a troubled ones life.
Brian D. Hulsey, Chattahoochee Tech, Sociology
ReplyDeleteI would comend the parent on trying to teach something useful to a teen-ager, but I think that this tactic could have to many repercusions on the child's phsychie. Meaning that the child may just except that he/she is all of those things and because that how others see them now which may cause to never want to change...among other negative phsychological repercusions. although I would comend this parent for trying to avoid their child growing up a deviant of sorts, I also believe that we as adults can learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others and take this as example of what not to do.
becca jobe t/r 6:00
ReplyDeleteI believe that in a way it was a good punishment, but at the same time, did it really have to get to i sell drugs before she made him do that? I mean really? If you noticed what a delinquent he was to begin with something drastic should have started way before you had to make him stand on the street. But with that being said i do not feel sorry for him at all under any circumstances. He sounds awful and then there again, maybe if she had been a better parent it wouldnt have ended up the way it did.
1. Systems of discipline have different effects on different people. I don't know the kid well enough to say whether or not this tactic will have an impact.
ReplyDelete2. I personally feel that if my future children acted out, I would talk with them and explain why what they did was wrong. In addition there would be some form of consequence, and I'm considering that sign idea.
Shalon H. 67 (Online)
ReplyDeleteI do think that the type of punishment provided can help some children act better, other children it may cause them to act worse. Since there is only a 50/50 chance of the outcome I dont think this is something that should be practiced in families. I do think there are many other ways that can have a positive impact on a child. I dont think it's child abuse but I do think its humiliation that someone will never forget. This is something I will never do, because even if it makes a child behave better humiliation is something they will never get over.