Cell phones- Hers, His or Ours?
Cell phone privacy has become a major issue in relationships. Is it ever appropriate to check calls or text messages on your spouse or significant other's phone without that person's permission?
Give your reasoning for your response.
I think it depends on the couple. While it isn't something we do to each other, personally I don't see a big deal in it. It wouldn't bother me if my husband were to pick up my phone and check my call list, texts or listen to my messages. I'm honest with him and have nothing to hide. I know he wouldn't have an issue with me doing the same to him as well. I think if the relationship is healthy and both parties trust each other, there will be no need to resort to checking up on each other.
ReplyDeleteStaci H. 28
ReplyDeleteI am in a true marriage. I trust my husband and he trusts me, therefore, I would never think to look through his phone. If it rings, I hand it over without looking, and vice versa. Everyone deserves privacy, with a little piece of their own life. When you start looking at someones texts or listening to their messages, you have a little bit of mistrust, whether you like to believe that or not. The fact that I show him texts, or tell him about calls shows that I am open about my phone use. If I scroll through my texts while he is looking over my shoulder, that shows that I am open with my phone use. However, if in fact there are signs of cheating, then by all means, snoop!!!
Taunya P 29
ReplyDeletePrivacy in a relationship is very important. Cell phones can be a convenience to a relationship. However, they can also destroy a relationship. I think that it is never appropriate to check calls on a person's cell phone without their permission. Everyone has the a right to privacy. In my experience, most people that check thier significant other's private text messages and phone calls have some inner trust/insecurities issues themselves. I feel that if you go looking at someone's private calls and messges that you may find something so why not just trust and leave the phone alone. In my opinion, if the relationship is meant to be that it will continue and if their are other issues they can be resolved.
Taunya P 29 In Response to Jessica A
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that it depends on the couple and the relationship. As you stated, if the relationship is health is would be no reason for a person the be insecure. There was a case in atlanta where a man went on his girlfriend's e-mail and cell phone and tracked her down. She was able to win a lawsuit because of cell phone privacy laws. When snooping, remember the consequences!!
michelle b. 28
ReplyDeleteI think if a person has to check their spouse cell phone without permission then theres no trust in that relationship. Cell phones are private especially if its for work or something and that person has to be secretive about undercover work. But if the person gives you the password then they should know you going to look at if they get a call or text message so it all depends on trust and honesty.
michelle b. 28 response to staci h. 28
ReplyDeleteI agree because if the phone rings or if theres a message i can hand it over withoutlooking at it because i trust him and he trusts me. If people snoop they are only hurting themselves.
I agree that privacy is important and lack of trust can ruin a relationship. I remember the story about that girl. I wonder if it would have made a difference if they were married? If my husband and I were not married but were dating, I would never be ok with him checking anything on my phone. That would almost seem like stalking. Funny how the tables turn when you enter into a binding commitment haha.
ReplyDeleteJessica S. 28
ReplyDeleteTrust is very important in a marriage. If my husband feels that he has a reason to go through my phone, I will hand it over with no questions asked, and vice versa. He has been with unfaithful women in the past and has a tendency to snoop every now and then. I understand what he has gone through and allow him to ease his mind. We have a happy, healthy relationship and are open and honest to each other.
Jessica S. in response to Jessica A.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have the same kind of relationship. It definitely depends on the couple, and yes a binding commitment changes a lot of things.
Kevin M. 29
ReplyDeleteI feel in a relationship trust is very important adn if you trust a person there should be no reason to have to sneak around and go through their phone. But on the same note it all can depend on your past experiences some people have the tendency to just be paranoid or curious, so i feel it dosent matter because if you truely have nothing to hide it should matter if you was getting your phone checked or not.
in responce to Michelle B. 28
I feel that once your committed in a relationship you lose all individual private matters and it all becomes a matter as a family, because once you are in a relationship your not obligated to deal with things on your own.
Aspyn P.37
ReplyDeleteIf a person has to go through their significant others phone without permission then obviously the person does not trust his or her companion. There are many reasons people may not trust their companion, it can be a thought of the person cheating or even self esteem issues that can deal with the persons past. Not having trust for one another is not good for any relationship. I especially do not think a boyfriend or girlfriend should be checking each others phone because they arent in a truely committed realtionship and are just dating however in a marriage i believe the only time you should check your spouses phone is if you suspect cheating or dishonesty. If you have no reason to think these things then you should be trusting enough to give your husband or wife his or her personal space.
Aspyn P.37 in response to Taunya P 29
ReplyDeleteI agree with you cell phones can destroy a relationship and whatever is meant to be is meant to be. If you have to check anybody your with phone then you might even have issues with your relationship deep inside.
Anneliese R. 29
ReplyDeleteIn any relationship if there is trust then there is nothing to hide. In my marriage if any of our phones ring and the contact shows who is calling and we are both friends with them, then we do answer the phone and chat for awhile. If the calls comes up unknown, we hand the phone over. We have complete trust in eachother. I personally have no problems with my husband looking at my phone/texts because I have nothing to hide. But if I were not married and dating someone I would not agree with looking at the phone history or text. Since the "Relationship" is not committed, either party have a right to snoop.
Anneliese R 29 in response to Kevin M 29.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what Kevin has responded to the blog. If there is trust in the relationship, there is no reason to feel that your private phone calls/texts. If any party has cheated then the there is a lack of trust and therefore the "need" to check the phone is to check the status of the relationship. There is a saying " Once a cheater, always a cheater".
To me any relationship is based on trust, however if there is no trust the suspicion begins. I don't believe in spouses checking each others cell /text messages. Doing that is lookig for trouble. Why going into a relationship in which there is no trust in the first place. AO 29
ReplyDeleteDionne F.28
ReplyDeleteThe major issue here is trust. I don't think it's appropriate for couples to go through each other's phones. My ex husband would wake up during the night when I was sleep and go though my phone. I felt so violated when he did it even though I had nothing to hide, it was just the fact that he had some much insecurities he messed up. I think cell phones should be private among couples.
Maryann Hein 27
ReplyDeleteI personally think that this depends on the couple. To me, I believe it is a matter of trust. If you cannot trust your signifcant other to be honest with you, then the relationship has no ground to survive. As Dionne said above, even if you have nothing to hide it hurts to not be trusted by the person you are with. It shows insecurity and that is also detrimental to a relationship. To me, I believe that cell phones should be kept private.
Dionne F.28 In response to Aspyn P.37
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you, I unfortunately was married to a very insecure man, so no matter what I did to prove my loyalty, he was always trying to find ways to prove infidelity, just because his past relationships always ended with them cheating on him. So trust again is the key factor for privacy in a relationship.
Staci H 28 in response to Aspyn P
ReplyDeleteI agree that people who are just dating should not look through each others phones, especially if you have only been dating for a short while. There's bound to be old relationships that crop up innocently on the phone, or just friend relationships from the past that one can jump to conclusions about. However, I can see how jealousy and uncertainty about the new relationship could make people want to snoop.
H Buescher 29
ReplyDeleteI do not believe it is appropriate to check calls or text messages of your significant other. You cannot have a healthy relationship without trust. I personally have never even thought of checking my spouses cell phone. If you are at the point of thinking of checking the cell phone then you should probably stop and actually have a conversation with that person because something is obviously bothering you.
Heather B 29. In response to Anneleise R 29.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe it matters whether you are married or dating. If you are in a relationship with a person their should be trust. Also each person has a right to privacy with a cell phone and snooping breaks that privacy.
Edgar H. 29
ReplyDeleteI definitely do not think it is right to go through your girlfriend's or boyfriend's cell phone without their permission, but if your married there is nothing wrong with it at all. I believe, when you marry, you trade the 'my' and 'mine' for the 'our' and 'ours'. My privacy becomes Our privacy. If that's not the case, then it can't be called a marriage. It would be more like dating with a certificate, unless there is a prenum. aggreement. If my spouse came to me and said, "I don't want you to go through my phone", I would be offended and suspicious. There should be nothing in my phone or your phone that you should have to go out of your way to tell me not to do it. I could care less if my wife went through my phone, because i'm committed and faithful to her and I have nothing to hide, period. If she did, I wouldn't think she was insecure, or untrusting. She's my wife, what shouldn't we already know about each other?
Sheiletta J. 36
ReplyDeleteI have been married this Friday for 6 years!!!WHOOO HOOOO!!!!This is my second go round and right from the start we have been honest with each other. My first husband was a cheater, but I stand on loyalty,respect and truth. So going into this marriage we had all the tough,real and uncomfortable conversations.Trust is so important. Looking in someone's cell phone without their knowledge is a direct signal of mistrust or lack of self confidence in yourself. My motto is "Treat others very well and if they dishonor you, then that's on them".
Sheiletta J. 36 response to Edgar H. 29
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head. I total love it. No one should EVER tell their spouse not to go thru their phone. That is a true RED flag. I answer my husband's phone and vice versa, we send text for each other when the other one is driving.."Ours" is definately a motto marriage SHOULD carry..Much love and respect to you and your family for holding the vaules of marriage in the right place...
Connie S. (29)
ReplyDeleteI don't see a cell phone as a privacy issue. My significant other and I have cell phones; we will answer each others and sometimes, because they are the same type of phone, we end up taking each others' phone!That's not a privacy issue...it's an old age issue!!!!!!!!
But, seriously, we trust each other. If it was an issue of non-trust, there would be a lot more things besides the cell phone...
Andrea M. (28)
ReplyDeleteWow. For me, this is a very relevant topic for consideration. My partner and I have been together for eight years. I like to think that we have a very open and honest relationship. We do not hide or password protect our phones or emails. It is just a form of trust; a symbol of trust that there is nothing to hide. On the other hand, if his phone rings and I am closest, I will pick it up and glance at the caller. If it is someone I know (like his mother or a mutual friend), I will answer and often make small talk before forwarding the phone. Likewise, if my text message ringer goes off, I may ask him to check it and tell me what it says if I am cooking or busy with the baby and then allow him to make an appropriate response. My girl friends think I'm CRAZY but to me it is no big deal. My thing is, if your partner is trying to cheat and/or be deceitful or dishonest, he/she will find a way to do so whether you check their voicemails or stalk their email account. If you feel the need to go looking for trouble, it’s probably because there is trouble to be found.
E.LynneR.28 I believe that it is inappropriate to go through your mate's phone without their permission. A real relationship is built on trust. If there is no trust, then there will definitely be problems. If you look for trouble, you might find it. I think you would be better off giving them the benefit of the doubt. Things that are done in the dark always come to the light. Everyone deserves some privacy.
ReplyDeleteE.LynneR.28 in response to StaciH.28 I totally agree with you. Although I am not married, I have been in the same relationship for many put years. I would never put myself through the stress of trying to find something wrong. Life is too short, I would rather spend quality time with my hubby.
ReplyDeleteVaness D. (29)
ReplyDeleteI think the question of whether it is appropriate to check calls or texts on your spouse or significant others' cell phone boils down to what type of relationship you are willing to settle for and how you manage your relationship. I would not willingly settle for a relationship with such a lack of trust that it was necessary to check up on my significant other. If it got to that point, I would be looking for a way out, or the getting out would be in progress.
I think that this behavior in towards me in my relationship would be completely unfounded and again, I would be settling for someone who was unnecessarily paranoid, controlling, or distrusting of me. Personally, this would again not be the type of relationship I would settle for.
What a way to live!!! That's true whether you are the one compelled to check or the one being checked up on.
Vaness D. (29) in response to Aspyn P. (37)
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you said. It is also how I want to be treated and it is how my significant other wants to be treated: First, if you have to snoop into their phone, there is no trust. Secondly, snooping around behind them can only be bad for your relationship. Thirdly, the only time you should ever snoop into their phone would be if you suspected them of cheating (only under very serious circumstances!) and, finally, that under normal circumstances, they deserve their personal space. Great points and well stated!
C.S. Henderson
ReplyDeleteI feel that if you are in a married relation ship then it shouldn't matter if your spouse picks up your phone and answers it or looks at a text message that you receive. However if its obvious that it is snooping, the fact that your scrolling through old calls or reading text messages that did not just come in.
If you feel it is nessassary to see who your spouse has been talking to then there are obvious trust issues and perhaps that relationship should be resolved.
In many ways this same concept should apply to someone your dating. If you dont feel that you can trut them without snooping then perhaps you should end that relationship.
C.S. HENDERSON TO Andrea M
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100% about allowing your partner to check your phone. I very very rarely even answer my phone I just leave it laying near my wife and she checks any incoming phone calls. The only time I worry about answering the phone is if I am at work.
If you cant trust your partner then maybe you are the one with the issues.
Kazzi L (29)
ReplyDeleteI do not see a big deal in looking at each others phone unless you have something to hid. If there is nothing to hid there is noting to worry about. If you are having to go throught there phone then there is a trust issue with your relationship. Me and my fiance use each others phone and if some one call his phone and I am around it usually I answer vica verca. We have the same friends so we usually answer the phone and say hey and talk to them. Sometimes our friends will call his phone and want to talk to me and vica verca.As long as you both dont see a big deal in it and trust each other then its not big deal.
Adam Smith
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, a secure relationship doesnt worry about things such as cell phone privacy. I would think that if a relationiship (whether married or not) is based on honesty, that there shouldnt be an issue of whether it is ok to look at the other's cell phone messages. Why would you want to?
I believe "snooping" is wrong however. If you dont trust your partner then why are you with them? A relationship should have trust at the bare minimum. If you are going behind your significant other's back to see if they are being deceitful instead of just talking to them and getting to the heart of the matter, well....enough said.
kazzi l 29 in response to Anneliese R. 29
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100% me and my fiance always use each others phones and we have the same friends so we answer each others phone. There is no harm in using each others phone as long as there is trust.
Diamond D. 29
ReplyDeletei do agree with a couple being able to check each others phone occasionally, only if both people agree that it is okay. checking someones phone without permission or without them knowing is kind of like lying and lying doesnt lead to a successful relationship. but i do think that a couple should be able to look at one anothers phone freely. if they have nothing to hide, why wouldnt it be ohkay?
Diamond D. 29 response to Kazzi L. 29
ReplyDeletei completely agree... i think thats the way it should be. couples should be able to answer each others phone without them having a problem.
Jamie R. 62
ReplyDeleteI think that if you are in a healthy relationship there is no reason to be looking through their phone. That just shows the other person that you don’t trust them and that can destroy any relationship. However, I do think that it is normal for people to be curious about what the other person in the relationship is doing or who they are talking to. The only time I would say snooping is appropriate is if you have good reasons to believe they are keeping something from you. Other than that looking through someone’s phone can have extremely negative consequences especially if something was taken out of context.
Robin T. 29
ReplyDeleteI have been married and in very long relationships. I have experienced snooping and distrust and it hurts. With love and respect you should be confident enough to trust your spouse. Whatever is being done in secret won't remain a secret you will surely find out. So going through my phone is a sign of distrust if I ask you to get it then thats different but to go through it searching for whatever is unacceptable.
Robin T. 29 in response to Adam
ReplyDeleteI agree honesty is the best way. Noone owns the other person, people have free will and if you suspect your spouse then confront them again nothing is ever kept a secret it always reveals itself. Meanwhile enjoy your life do what makes you happy and you won't have time to worry about wether or not someone is lying or cheating.
Kathryn C. 28
ReplyDeleteI do not think snooping through texts is a good way to deal with your feelings or insecurity or suspicions of cheating. You may read a text that is misunderstood and get very upset. If you want to discuss the issue you have to incriminate yourself by admitting to snooping. If your significant other has a very good explanation (whether it is true or not) then you are back to square one. If he or she is not being honest with you then they will start deleteing messages and call log history on the phone. In most cases you can identify the truth with intuition and changes in behavior whether you want to see it or not. Sometimes however when you see changes and have a gut instinct it may be a good idea to see if your significant other is spending hours on the phone with another person. If you have a joint phone account you could look at the call history. Athough that is still snooping I think it would be better than reading texts. Plus it could give you a better idea of what is going on. Sometimes inappropriate behavior isn't cheating it is creating a intimacy that is not physical by spending hours talking to someone who is not your significant other.
Kathryn C. 28 in Response to Jamie R 62
ReplyDeleteYou completely graspt what I was trying to say. I think it is hurtful and potentially dangerous to read texts and take them out of context.
Melissa H. 28
ReplyDeleteSometimes I read my wife's texts if she recieves one while she is in the other room. Then I will forward the message to her.
We are a committed and loving couple and both feel if the other wants to check texts or calls at any time then that is perfectly fine. If either of us has a question about the content we will ask the other directly. It's something that rarely ever happens and is no big deal if you have nothing to hide.
Melissa H. 28 in response to Robin T. 29
ReplyDeleteI guess it all depends on the agreement that you have set up with your spouse. I wouldn't be offended if my wife wanted to check my calls or texts. She has free access to my email as well. I could care less if she's just bored one day and wants to see what's going on with my friends and family back home in Michigan.
If you have a privacy policy set up between the two of you then I can see how the hurt would come from distrust. I just don't always see curiousity as a sign of distrust. But to each his own. May your relationship be long and happy!
Aruna Vegesina 28
ReplyDeleteI have a few friends who cannot resist checking their spouses' phones. Personally, I would do not like to do that. But, it depends on the mutual understanding with one's partner. Trust is an important aspect of any relationship. If your spouse doesn't mind you looking at his or her phone then I guess it is ok.
Adam Smith
ReplyDeleteIn Response to Kathryn C
I can understand that "snooping" by looking at a phone bill isnt as invasive as actual reading texts on a phone. However, I still think of that as not necessarily being true to your significant other. Why not just ask? As others have stated, the truth will come out. You would still incriminate yourself and show your spouse how much you dont trust them if you question them about their cell phone usage.
LOL, now if you were checking the cell phone usage for billing errors....that is a different ball of wax. If you notice that everytime you are at work, your spouse is on the phone with a number you dont know and it is for a long periods of time...well to quote Ricky Ricardo: "Lucy, you got some splainin to do!"
Aruna Vegesina 28 in response to Robin T 29
ReplyDeleteI so totally agree with you. I completely trust my fiance and never felt tempted to check his phone. I have never seen him check my phone. Don't get into a relationship if you cannot trust a person. But then love is blind .....
Camellia L. 28
ReplyDeleteIn marriage the goal is to be one. To know each other to the fullest. well that's the idea if you want your marriage to be great or last. With that being sad I really think that it depends on your arrangement. Some spouse's request a great deal of privacy for various reason's (intimacy issue's, games, inappropriate realtionships, or just trying to plan a surprise for you spouse). Whatever your reason, if someone is unwilling to share their cell phone. And is demanding their privacy. I would say that is a red flag.
Personally, I don't check my husbands cell phone or answer it. However, If I wanted to see it, use it, check it. I know that he wouldn't object. The same is true for him in regards to my cell phone. I even think that your children should be able to play or use your phone. And I know that that's going to raise a eyebrow. The bottom line is that to be authentic and true your life should be like a open book. When it comes to your family or spouse don't do something that you wouldn't want others to know, or is secret. If you don't do anything then you won't have anything to hide.
If you check your spouse phone without permission that means you have lack of trust in your significant other. If you and your spouse have that agreement to go through each other phone then that is different.
ReplyDeleteAshley C. 29
ReplyDeleteIf you check your spouse phone without permission that means you have lack of trust in your significant other. If you and your spouse have that agreement to go through each other phone then that is different.
Ashley C. 29 In Response to Aruna Vegesina 28
ReplyDeletei agree with you i wouldn't check my spouse phone without permission, but some people don't mind cause they have nothing to hide then maybe thats okay
KimberlyC. 28
ReplyDeleteI think it is appropiate to check your mates cell phone call log or text messages. When you are commited, it should'nt matter if you have nothing to hide. Yes, you should trust and not need to check the phone but it should'nt be a problem if this should arise.
KimberlyC.28 in response to JessicaA.28
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Jessica. If there is trust there is no need to check phones. However if the situation comes up, it shouldnt be a problem. If nothing is there then why should it matter.
Suzanne A. 77 in response to Kimberly c. 28
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. I don't think it should matter if you are commited to each other. You absolutely have a right to go throught their phone if you declared vows to each other to be faithful.
AMANDA Y 29
ReplyDeleteI SEE TWO SIDES OF THIS; YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR LOVERS PHONE WHETHER THEY KNOW OR NOT. THERE SHOULD NOT BE ANYTHING IN THE PHONE THAT WOULD BE DISTRUBING. ON THE OTHER HAND YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE THAT TRUST NOT TO FEEL THE NEED OR WANT TO LOOK. COMMUNICATION PLAYS A BIG ROLL AND IF YOU AREN'T ABLE TO DISCUSS FEELINGS ABOUT PROBLEMS THEN THAT IS A RED FLAG TO BEGIN WITH.
AMANDA Y 29 IN RESPONSE CAMELLIA L 28
ReplyDeleteI AGREE YOU SHOULD HAVE THE TRUST, BUT THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANYTHING IN THE OTHER PERSONS PHONE YOU WOULD BE DISTRUBED ABOUT.
Omowumi A.28
ReplyDeleteTo me, it is not ideal to receive someone,s call or read their text messages if you are not permitted to do so. Because we all need our own privacy and as we all know cellphone is one of the way we communicate with people in business and others.
Talking about spouse, to me its depends on the kind of job they both have. Take for instance, people like pastors, social-workers, psychologists,councellors among others, to me i will say it is not ideal for their spouse to pick their call if that is the only phone they have, because some client might be calling on important issue. Also most people want their discussions with their counsellors or pastors to be confidential so they might feel insecure if someone else who is not the pastor or his/her secretary should pick the phone.
If it is just husband and wife and there is no business attach to it i see no reason why my husband cannot pick my calls or read my messages. Healthy relationship needs TRUST.
Omowumi A.28 In response to Camellia L.28
ReplyDeleteI agree with Camellia when she said we are meant to be one in marriage. If there is trust i see no reason why my husband should be reading my text messages or vice versa. If my phone ring he will just pick it up and give it to me because he will definitely know who called when i start conversation with the person. Samething applies to me i don't pick his calls not that he stops me from doing that but i believe he is not cheating on me and he needs his privacy.
Brandon W. 28
ReplyDeleteI believe in being one when it comes to marriage. By being one with my spouse, I am supposed to love and trust her. I should never doubt her, and at all times assume the best. In fact, I should never be in question of who my wife is talking to and what she is talking about. So I don't necessarily believe it is appropriate to screen her calls, emails, text messages, etc. Despite us being entitled to each others property, I believe a level of personal privacy should still exist. If there is a reason to be suspicious, communication is key! There should be no reason to violate privacy in secret...it should be discussed openly.
Jorge W.28
ReplyDeleteMarriage is founded upon love and love is trust. Love also respects another person. I have been married for 5 years and I still don't open my wifes mail ouy of respect let alone check her phone. There may be information one of her friends confided in her and not the snooping husband. I trust my wife. Now if I didn't trust her I still would not check her phone for whats done in darkness will come to light. Dignity and privacy should be maintained but the realtionship should be free to be open and honest. If a person is snoppoing their are serious trust and insecurtiy issues.
Jorge W.28 in response to Stacy H.28
ReplyDeleteI still would not snoop checking her phone and following her. Things have a way of happening to reveal themselves to you. If you are that desperate hire a private detective, but the kind of person I am I would just ask the person to come clean and lets make some decisions thereafter. No lies no games just truth. Be secure in who you are, but if you stumble across questionable matter by all means address it with the right intentions and motive.
Carrie Harwell 28
ReplyDeleteLooking through your spouses phone or email could be completely innocent, not a suspicious act. Maybe they have a number stored that you need or they were the one texting another family member and you needed the info from that text, like dinner plans, vacation iteneraray, and simple things like that. If there is nothing to hide then the other spouse should have no problem with this at all. But if you find something you shouldn't have seen then the mistrust started on the other persons behalf way before checking their cell phone. When you are married you are supposed to come together as one. IF you don't want it found out, don't do it.
Carrie H. 28 in response to Robin T. 29
ReplyDeleteI agree that if you catch the other person looking at your information for no other reason that to snoop then it could be hurtful to find they don't trust you for some reason. It could be just past experience that has them being suspicious and have nothing to do with anything you have done. If you are hurt by it then you need to discuss it and maybe let them know that they can check your messages and phone anytime until they get more secure in your relationship. Then hopefully they can get past their suspicions and it can be worked out.
Allysa H. 28
ReplyDeleteNo. My initial reaction is no. If you catch yourself or your significant other doing this, re-evaluate your relationship! I say that because if, in your relationship, you don't trust the other person so much that you feel the need to check up on them behind their back, then that relationship is already over. Or on its' way to being over. Also, if you need the other person's permission to look at their phone in the first place, openness is not there. For example, I don't care if my husband looks in my phone because there is nothing to hide, he doesn't have to ask me, and my husband doesn't try to look in my phone because he trusts me, and vice versa. That's the way it should work, and anything else is indicative of a lack of trust, which is reason enough to end a relationship anyway, whether cheating or deception is involved or not.
Allysa H. 28 in response to Jessica S. 28
ReplyDeleteThat's a good point about your husband. I didn't think of that, the situation where a person could have issues from the past. It's neat that you allow him to ease his mind instead of reprimanding him for occasional trust issues. It shows respect, love, and most importantly understanding.
Sarah C.28
ReplyDeleteI think that if a spouse looks through your phone it shows that maybe they don't trust you much. There is a level of privacy that should exist between you and your spouse. Your spouse should trust you enough to know that you are not cheating on him/her.
Gregori L.29
ReplyDeleteI guess it is up to the person. I really don't care if someone checks my stuff, I've got nothing to hide. I really don't care to check myself. Currently I don't check my girlfriend's phone to ever think about it. My girlfriend does like to look at mine however. I'm not too sure why her reasons are her own.
I don't see a problem with it. I think a relationship should be open and if you aren't willing to be open with the person you are with then the whole thing seems pretty pointless.
Sarah C. 28 in response to Jorge W.28
ReplyDeleteI agree completely with your comment. There should be a certain level of respect and privacy to any relationship.
Gregori L.29 in responce to Taunya P.29
ReplyDeleteI would agree that sometimes privacy is somewhat important but I also believe that openess is equally important. If my girlfriend wants to see my phone then I would let her, no problem. Personally, I wouldn't check it since I don't think it is my business but I think you would have to be willing to allow your significant other check you're personal stuff. I wouldn't say give into everything but it can save a lot of headache. I'm sure I told my girlfriend that she couldn't check it then she would be worried about what I am doing. So I stay open.
Sarah Bean (29)
ReplyDeleteI think it depends on the circumstances. If my husband decided to go look through my phone, I would want him to ask me and not just sneak around and do it. I believe in trust and loyalty and if he has any doubts that im being unfaithful I would want him to ask me to hand over my phone right then and there. I would be terribly hurt if he did it behind my back, as I would like to be told why his reasons are for doing it.
In response to Sarah C. 28
I totallu agree with you in some aspect. They should trust you and you should have some level of privacy. On the other hand if you have nothing to hide and they do ask to look at it, I would have no problem with it.
Jessica G. 29
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's appropriate to check a person's cell phone while in a relationship. When in a relationship the person is supposed to have trust, so without the trust, the relationship is going to go downhill because the person is constintly thinking the other person is doing something their not supposed to be doing. I think the only time a person is allowed to check the phone is if given permission.
In response to Sarah Bean (29)
ReplyDeleteYou're right, it also depends on the circumstance.
Autumn H. 28
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jessica G. Trust is important between couples. If you feel the need to check you significant other's/sopouse's cell phone, then the question is not you should be checking personal communications, the question should be why don't you trust him or her. If they have out you in a position of mistrust, then there is a deeper problem in the relationship that needs to be addressed.
That being said, I think that when you are in a committed relationship (married or living together) you have made a commitment to another person to be a couple and certain amount of privacy is given up. If you don't want your personal communications read or scrutinized that needs to be discussed. If still the other person fails to comply with those wishes then password protect your communication devices. If that is still an issue, then the relationship needs to be re-evaluated.
Autumn Hart in response to Gregori L.29
ReplyDeleteGregori, I think your post showed the major difference between men and women in relationships. I think that most guys would agree that their girlfriend or wives tests and phone calls are none of thier business and would be more open to see the phone if asked and have nothing to hide. Girls on the other hand feel the need to be sneaky so that they do not seem insecure and untrusting.
Autumn H. 28 in response to Jessica A. 28 response
ReplyDeleteI agree that there is a difference between the rules when dating and the rules when married. When you are in the dating stage, you are individuals with the rights of privacy. Once that commitment is made you agree to let most of your indivdual privacy go. While that does not make snooping okay, I think a snooping husband or wife is more justified that a snooping girlfriend or boyfriend.
Brian T. 28
ReplyDeleteI believe that one of the most important aspects of any serious relationship is trust, and without trust a relationship cannot (or should not) continue. If you feel the need to check your significant other's cell phone for 'evidence' of any wrongdoing, you obviously have a serious trust issue in the relationship (whether it's a reasonable concern or not), and should figure out where it went wrong by talking directly to your spouse instead of playing detective. I'd also say that the fact that you feel the need to play detective is also indicative of a serious lack of communication in your relationship, and without trust or communication, you might as well save yourself the trouble and end the relationship on your own terms.
Brian T. 28 in response to Melissa H. 28
ReplyDeleteI agree completely, if you have nothing to hide when prompted by your spouse to see your phone, I see no problem with complying with that request. That definitely implies some underlying trust issue, but at the very least a direct request to see the phone at least indicates that the communication in the relationship might not be totally nonexistent.
April B. 28
ReplyDeleteI have read the posts and It seems that the comments have somewhat shifted away from the original question. Although discussing trust in a relationship is related to the topic, the original question was, " Is it ever appropriate to check a spouse's or significant others cell phone without permission?" Many have stated that they have checked their spouse's or significant other's phone for a variety of reasons and it wasn't a big deal. My response to this topic is yes, there are time when it is appropriate to check your spouse's or signifcant other's phone without permission. It is the circumstances under which you would do it that is up for debate not if it is appropriate or not.
As I stated before, trust is related to the question and discussing it can help define the circumstances. Personally, my husband doesn't have a problem with me picking up his phone and I don't have a problem with him picking up mine without permission.
In previous dating relationships, I have checked the other person's phone when I suspected cheating. I think personally that what's done in the dark will come to the light and if that is via detective work on a cell phone...so be it.
April B. 28 In response to Staci H. 28
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with your last statement. Women have been given the gift of intuition and although some don't understand how to use it, it can guide you to discover a lot in life.
Without suspicion, there isn't any need for detective work on someone else's phone. As many have stated trust should really make it a non-issue or not a big deal in a relationship.
Ashley G. 95
ReplyDeleteYes, I think that checking your significant other's phone should be okay at all times. I'm not saying to do this, but if you are ever wondering if somethings up this should definitely be okay. It will only establish more trust when you don't find anything. If you DO find something, then you know you shouldn't be able to fully trust that person.
Ashley G. in response to KimberlyC. 28
ReplyDeleteI agree, I think it is appropriate to check your significant other's cell phone call log or text messages. If there's nothing to hide, there shouldn't be a problem. And anyone dumb enough to have something on their phone they don't want their other to see, should get caught.
Connie S. in response to April ....
ReplyDeleteGreat job in bringing the discussion back to the topic...I got to reading so many blogs I forgot what the question was...
yes, it is appropriate...unless you have something to hide. Many people innocently pick up the wrong phone....
Krystal H. 28
ReplyDeleteI would not want to check my husband's phone without his permission unless something he did was suspicious. We are very open and honest with each other so if he feels the need to look at my phone, or vice-versa, we would do that in front of each other. Neither one of us has anything to hide. I agree that a couple does need privacy, but with all this new technology, it is easier for people to cheat. Phone texts or Facebook messaging/chatting always seems to get people in trouble because they are swayed by members of the opposite sex.
In response to Jessica A. 28
I agree with everything you said. It sounds like we are on the same wavelength.
Endé C. 29
ReplyDeleteI do not think it is appropriate to check your spouse or significant other's calls or text messages without their permission. I would even go further to say that if you have their permission to check a specific message or text, it is inappropriate to look through other messages or calls. For this blog topic, trust has been reiterated again and again. When you build a relationship with someone, trust is a major factor in its stability, and betraying that trust usually reveals an unhealthy relationship. If there is a question of fidelity, honesty, or loyalty in a relationship then maybe the relationship should be reevaluated.
Endé C. 29 in response to Ashley G. 95
ReplyDeleteI disagree that it is alright to check your spouse or significant other's calls or texts simply on the basis that "If there's nothing to hide, there shouldn't be a problem." If you feel so insecure that you must invade someone else's privacy to verify or prove their faithfulness (or lack thereof) to you, that is a major issue. What happens next after you reveal the truth? Have you ever thought about it in another way? For example, if you were working a job and the employer went through your personal emails and phone calls using the premise that you shouldn't have anything to hide so if they didn't find anything it was okay, but if they found something then they had legitimate reason to terminate you, you would probably feel violated. I know that is not the topic of discussion, but the issue with checking your spouse or significant other's calls and texts is not just whether he or she is hiding something. I think the most important issue in the question posed is privacy versus trust. If you haven't been given permission to check messages or texts, what gives you the right to invade your significant other's privacy? If you are in a relationship where there truly is nothing to hide, then what harm would it do to ask permission? Also, if you feel that strongly about the right to look based upon doubt or suspicion, what is to stop someone else from doing the same to you, and how would that make you feel?
C. Anderson
ReplyDeleteI don't think its ever approproate to look through your mates phone. I have given my husband my passwords out of respect for the marrigae, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want him going though my texts, emails or listening to my messages etc. I have no desire to look through his phone. What is the prupose? Mistrust? I think people are entitled to a little privacy.
C.Anderson
ReplyDeleteSorry for all the typos!!!!!
C.Anderson
ReplyDeleteIn response to Ende C.
You are so on point with your comment! Mistrust has to be the underlying reason to even want to go through your mates phone. Unless, you are just nosey, (but even then I'm sure that has something to so with trust issues) you have no right to do so.
I honestly can't think of any reason that would require someone else to look through my phone without my consent. The only reason I can see anyone doing such would be due to lack of trust. It's not a point that I have anything to hide, it more that my privacy would be violated in the process of someone going through my phone. I would feel the same way if someone went through my car, dresser drawers, computer, etc. It's a violation of my privacy.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if anyone else watching "Ice Loves Coco" but they both share one cellphone. I guess that is a way to prevent some of the worry and issues that others tend to have in relationships with cellphones. I personally wouldn't want to share my cellphone BUT I guess that is an option if there are trust issues in a relationship or even if your trying to prevent those issues. Just a thought...
ReplyDeleteOmowumi A.28 In response to Taunya P.29
ReplyDeleteI totally agreed with Taunya when she said we all need our privacy. Though the bible make us to understand that husband and wife are one, but both parties still need to respect each others privacy.
Dawn W.28 I also believe that privacy is a concern when you are in a relationship. If you have a strong healthy relationship then no worries but if you have had past relationship trust issues then you should be able to check that persons phone. The other person should not have a problem with this if they are trying to resolve those trust issues.
ReplyDeleteDawn W.28.In respnse to Katina P. 29 I'm with you Katina I would not want to share my cellphone with my partner. I have a business that I run with my cellphone. I guess you would have to be with that person at all times of the day.
ReplyDeleteRacquelC.29 I do believe that cell phone privacy has become a major issue with relationships. The reason is because many couples are not on the same page when it comes to committment or trust. I feel that, that's the main reason why he/she would check their partners cell phone. I feel that it's never okay to check someone's cell phone because it can lead up to bigger problems is a relationship.
ReplyDeleteSilke A. 28
ReplyDeleteI believe this is something that should be discussed by the couple and then mutually agreed upon. I never felt the need to check my husband's phone. One day, after 15 years of marriage, he disclosed an affair to me. Our situation changed. He had broken the trust. I demanded the removal of passwords on everything and the right to check his phone whenever I felt like I had to. He was willing to give up that freedom in an effort to rebuild the trust. We mutually agreed on new rules. I think the issue of cell phone privacy is mostly a matter of expectations between partners. What kind of freedoms are you comfortable granting each other? It is not a matter of being right or wrong, it is mostly a matter of what we expect from the relationship.
Silke A. 28 In response to Racquel C. 29
ReplyDeleteRacquel C., I do believe that there are instances when it is absolutely o.k. to check a partner's phone. A situation where the trust was broken, such as infidelity, might make it necessary to be able to check the partner's phone. Giving up cell phone privacy shows willingness not to deceive again and can provide a basis for rebuilding trust.
Staci H 28 in response to Jorge W 28
ReplyDeleteI agree that a lot people can ask for the truth, which is how it should be, but there are probably more people who would deny it if they were cheating. My sister has asked her husband of 31 years and he always denies it. He sleeps with his phone next to his cheek, takes it with him wherever he goes and has whisper conversations. When she asks, he always says she's just paranoid. Her daughter came up behind him and saw what he was texting. He then handed over his phone for her to check. Of course, he sat in front of them and deleted his messages, saying he was trying to get to the screen! His daughter is 18 and is no dummy! Had my sister been able to look at his phone for two seconds, she wouldn't be in denial right now, and she wouldn't think her daughter was making it up. Therefore, if there is a reason, snoop.
Edgar H. 29 general response to trust
ReplyDeleteI don't buy the idea that if you check a phone you got trust issues. What idea of marriage puts boundaries between two people joined by GOD? When me and my friends talk about this subject, the only ones who says that their other can't check because of privacy or 'they should trust me' is creeping. I know for a fact, they don't hide it from their boys, just their other. If I knew the girl personally, I would suggest she check his phone. That reason, privacy and mistrust just seems like tools people throw out to justify a secret or leave the door open to creep in the future.
My response is my idea of the situation within a married couple. If two people are not married, they are most definitely each a private indivisual and they should be treated as such. I would never check the cell of a girlfriend if I were not married yet.
Lauren M
ReplyDeleteIn response to Edgar H, I think that you make a valid point. As someone who isn't married, I initially thought that the spouse did not have a right to look at the others phone because I do not believe that girlfriends/boyfriends should possess that power. But being a married couple where you are technically joined as one, it seems completely inappropriate to keep secrets from one another in any way.
It depends. I think in some relationships the partner either male or female give reason for you to want to check cell phone messages. If your husband or wife makes you feel secure in your relationship there should be no need to check the messages.
ReplyDeleteIn response to dawn 28
ReplyDeleteI agree with you it is a trust issue and if the other person doesn't trust the person for certain reasons then it should not be a problem to check messages on cell phone.